March 14, 2025

Ep.109 From Tragedy To Triumph with Guest Charonta Pegram

Ep.109 From Tragedy To Triumph with Guest Charonta Pegram
The player is loading ...
Ep.109 From Tragedy To Triumph with Guest Charonta Pegram
Ep.109 From Tragedy To Triumph with Guest Charonta Pegram
Spotify podcast player badge
Apple Podcasts podcast player badge
iHeartRadio podcast player badge
RSS Feed podcast player badge
Spotify podcast player icon Apple Podcasts podcast player icon iHeartRadio podcast player icon RSS Feed podcast player icon
Season 4

Don't hold It in but let's just talk about It.

$LetsTalk22

Facebook: Chuck LJTAI

Instagram: letsjusttalkaboutit22

Tik-Tok: @letsjusttalkaboutitmedia

YouTube: Lets Just Talk About It Podcast

Chapters

00:10 - Introduction to Sharante's Story

01:22 - Growing Up in Sussex County

04:48 - The Tablet Baby Generation

06:14 - Losing Her Father

10:42 - The Miscarriage and Grandmother

12:19 - Mother's Cancer Diagnosis

22:20 - Final Days with Mom

32:20 - Finding Purpose After Loss

38:02 - Living After Loved Ones Die

45:31 - Final Messages to Lost Loved Ones

49:38 - The Power of Transparency

Transcript
WEBVTT

00:00:10.852 --> 00:00:14.375
Hey, welcome back to another episode of let's Just Talk About it podcast.

00:00:14.375 --> 00:00:23.879
I'm your host, chuck, and if you're here for the first time, this platform was created to give genuine people just like you an opportunity to share a portion of your life's journey.

00:00:23.879 --> 00:00:41.231
So, with that being said, I have therapist Charonta Pegram on with me today to share her experience with how she had to navigate through life with the back to back loss of her father, her grandmother, her baby and her mother, and on this episode, you'll hear how she went from tragedy to triumph in the midst of it all.

00:00:41.231 --> 00:00:44.130
So you don't want to miss this amazing conversation today.

00:00:44.130 --> 00:00:55.966
As a matter of fact, do me a favor go and grab your husband, your wife, your children, or even call a friend and gather around to listen to this conversation with me and Charonta on let's Just Talk About it podcast.

00:00:55.966 --> 00:00:57.390
Hey, let's jump right in.

00:00:57.390 --> 00:01:03.670
All, right, welcome back to another episode of let's Just Talk About it podcast Today.

00:01:03.670 --> 00:01:05.864
I have Sharanthe Pegram on with me today.

00:01:05.864 --> 00:01:06.605
How are you doing today?

00:01:07.408 --> 00:01:08.049
I'm doing well.

00:01:08.049 --> 00:01:08.730
How are you?

00:01:08.771 --> 00:01:09.331
Doing good.

00:01:09.331 --> 00:01:10.153
Good to have you.

00:01:11.219 --> 00:01:12.302
Thanks for having me.

00:01:12.302 --> 00:01:13.004
I'm excited.

00:01:13.808 --> 00:01:14.269
Absolutely.

00:01:14.269 --> 00:01:17.888
I appreciate you here on let's Just Talk About it podcast.

00:01:17.888 --> 00:01:26.114
I love to have those genuine conversations with genuine people like yourself, Sharonte, and I usually jump right in with this question when are you from?

00:01:27.180 --> 00:01:32.968
I am from Sussex, Virginia, a little small town in Virginia that a lot of people don't even know about.

00:01:34.942 --> 00:01:35.686
Where is that near?

00:01:36.921 --> 00:01:38.385
It's near Emporia.

00:01:38.385 --> 00:01:39.588
Have you heard of that before?

00:01:39.709 --> 00:01:39.909
Yes.

00:01:40.760 --> 00:01:42.287
Yes, so it's near Emporia.

00:01:42.287 --> 00:01:56.033
It falls on 460 and also on the 95 side, but I'm on the 95 side understood, okay, like going towards Petersburg yeah, so it's a small little town in.

00:01:56.033 --> 00:01:58.444
Sussex called Jarrett.

00:01:58.444 --> 00:02:03.286
Yes, and if you go through, there is one stoplight and the police will get you if you're speeding.

00:02:03.688 --> 00:02:06.760
Wow, wow, how was it for you growing up out there?

00:02:07.983 --> 00:02:13.655
um, it was cool because, um, my mom is one of 12 well, was one of 12.

00:02:13.655 --> 00:02:20.628
So, um, I always, even though I'm the only child always was raised with my cousins.

00:02:20.628 --> 00:02:25.377
We all kind of lived on the same road, so we walked from house to house.

00:02:25.518 --> 00:02:43.087
I had a very, very good upbringing like tight-knit tight-knit, yes, tight-knit so during those times y'all spent a lot of time outside, versus now, like people always inside, on the phone so what I will tell you is I'm not your traditional country girl like I do not like outside, I do not like.

00:02:43.108 --> 00:02:47.545
I don tell you is I'm not your traditional country girl Like I do not like outside, I don't like buzz, I don't like the heat.

00:02:47.545 --> 00:02:54.264
But you know, when I was a kid I was never athletic, I always been very prissy.

00:02:54.264 --> 00:03:02.413
So my cousins were playing like sports and I would sit on the porch and just watch them, because I'm not athletically inclined at all.

00:03:02.413 --> 00:03:08.907
But yeah, you're right, cookouts in the summer, riding bikes, you know, just having good times.

00:03:08.907 --> 00:03:10.108
Yeah, definitely, it's definitely.

00:03:10.108 --> 00:03:12.229
The trajectory is very different now with kids.

00:03:12.229 --> 00:03:17.355
I'm a therapist so I see that a lot of my kids are tablet babies.

00:03:17.355 --> 00:03:26.030
They love tablets, they love electronics and that's why a lot of children are socially awkward now because know they communicate via screen time.

00:03:26.030 --> 00:03:28.653
So, wow, interesting, but definitely different times.

00:03:28.693 --> 00:03:36.401
Definitely different times so so being you said that you are a therapist, right, and so you deal with a lot of kids that are tablet babies.

00:03:36.401 --> 00:03:39.962
That's the first time I've heard that tablet babies so right.

00:03:39.962 --> 00:03:44.825
Do you see a lot of like depression coming from that?

00:03:45.986 --> 00:03:55.713
Absolutely, because again yeah, again, I'm not to cut you off again because most children now think about it Kids at one year old.

00:03:55.713 --> 00:03:57.974
They may still have a pacifier, but they know how to work a phone.

00:03:57.974 --> 00:04:01.258
So what we're finding is kids don't socialize anymore.

00:04:01.258 --> 00:04:08.828
When you look at the dinner table at restaurants, I can guarantee you that parents and children both have phones or some type of device in their hands.

00:04:08.828 --> 00:04:10.469
So we don't communicate.

00:04:10.469 --> 00:04:14.194
I've even had people tell me that they text from room to room Like.

00:04:14.194 --> 00:04:16.142
That's not how I was raised as a child.

00:04:16.142 --> 00:04:18.528
You know I get up and communicate with my mom.

00:04:18.569 --> 00:04:31.279
So, I do see that a lot of children, because they don't know how to socially interact when they go to school, they get bullied or they just choose not to talk at all to their peers because they don't know how to communicate past screen time.

00:04:31.279 --> 00:04:43.355
So I can talk to you while I'm playing a game, because we're texting back and forth, but to actually have a communicative dialogue with you in person is pretty much, you know, diabolical to kids now.

00:04:43.355 --> 00:04:57.380
So, yes, we do see a lot of anxiety, we see a lot of depression, we see a lot of bullying because children have become so dependent on social media internet, tablets, phones you know, so yeah.

00:04:57.461 --> 00:04:58.564
I see that a lot, I do.

00:04:59.024 --> 00:05:01.771
Wow, that's deep Tablet babies.

00:05:02.540 --> 00:05:04.271
Tablet babies is what I call them.

00:05:04.271 --> 00:05:05.339
Tablet babies is what I call them Tablet babies.

00:05:05.339 --> 00:05:08.709
You see, the kids can barely walk, but they got a big iPad.

00:05:08.759 --> 00:05:12.490
And there's nothing wrong with that, because we also have to think about the culture.

00:05:12.490 --> 00:05:19.785
During COVID, parents had to work from home and their children were at home, so I'm going to give you this tablet to keep you busy, so I'm not knocking them.

00:05:19.785 --> 00:05:21.286
That's what I want to be clear about.

00:05:21.286 --> 00:05:41.014
But I do believe that there should be a certain time for screen time and I do encourage my patients, parents, to make sure that they're monitoring screen time and that their children are also getting that verbal dialogue, that they need to be socially, not social butterflies, but to be able to have conversations with others outside of you know.

00:05:41.014 --> 00:05:42.276
You know, tablet time.

00:05:42.276 --> 00:05:43.096
There has to be a balance.

00:05:43.197 --> 00:05:52.952
There has to be a balance there has to be a balance absolutely yeah, wow, so miss keisha introduced us to each other, right?

00:05:53.112 --> 00:05:59.894
yeah, and you are like I said earlier, you're a therapist and we talked earlier about you.

00:05:59.894 --> 00:06:01.740
Lost your immediate family.

00:06:01.740 --> 00:06:02.603
Yes, back to back.

00:06:02.603 --> 00:06:04.012
Talk about that when you talk about your mom what happened?

00:06:04.012 --> 00:06:08.168
Yes, back to back, talk about that when you talk about your mom, what happened?

00:06:08.168 --> 00:06:09.968
Take us back to that moment.

00:06:11.540 --> 00:06:17.439
Okay, so my mom was the final family member of mine to pass away.

00:06:17.439 --> 00:06:28.815
I lost my dad at age 55 in 2017 from what they deemed as an accidental um, fentanyl and cocaine overdose.

00:06:28.815 --> 00:06:31.824
Um, he was 55.

00:06:31.824 --> 00:06:32.805
I was 29.

00:06:33.648 --> 00:06:53.232
Um, I was always a daddy's girl, so that was definitely something catastrophic for me, because I'm literally driving home from work and I get a phone call and that particular day, I had just finished my first master's program the day before, so I had applied to PhD schools that day.

00:06:53.232 --> 00:06:59.766
So I'm riding home, it's July and it's July 6th.

00:06:59.766 --> 00:07:07.045
I'm having the time of my life, riding home on 9 and 5, singing my R&B songs to the top of my lungs, and I get a phone call.

00:07:07.045 --> 00:07:19.485
So I'm thinking it's one of the schools that I, you know, graduated, that I had applied for, and I remember answering the phone and the lady said I'm looking for Sharonte Pegram and I'm like this is her.

00:07:19.485 --> 00:07:21.663
And she told me.

00:07:21.663 --> 00:07:24.107
She said I'm such and such and such from such and such and such.

00:07:24.107 --> 00:07:27.673
I never paid it any mind because, again, I'm thinking this is one of the colleges I applied to.

00:07:28.461 --> 00:07:29.867
And she said, ma'am, are you driving?

00:07:29.867 --> 00:07:38.982
So once she said that to me, I kind of honed in to the conversation and I'm like, yes, she said, ma'am, I need you to pull over and I said for what?

00:07:39.103 --> 00:07:45.976
So then I pick up the phone and I look and I see it says um, coatesville, pennsylvania.

00:07:45.976 --> 00:07:47.259
No, pittsburgh, pennsylvania.

00:07:47.259 --> 00:07:52.076
And so I know my dad is at the VA in Pittsburgh, pennsylvania.

00:07:52.076 --> 00:07:54.002
So I'm like, is something wrong with my father?

00:07:54.002 --> 00:07:57.776
I scream at her and she said ma'am, I really need you to pull over.

00:07:57.776 --> 00:08:07.966
I said it's something wrong with my dad and she said, yes, we found him this morning as such and such and such, and I just remember swerving and then a car blowing a horn.

00:08:07.966 --> 00:08:10.892
And she said ma'am, call me back when you're stationary.

00:08:10.892 --> 00:08:16.228
And I just remember thinking to myself like what is going on?

00:08:17.269 --> 00:08:32.442
Because my dad and I were very close and in April I had a conversation with him and I said to him I said, daddy, I have moved you up the East Coast and I said if you do not stop, I said they're going to call to tell me one or two things.

00:08:32.442 --> 00:08:33.587
You're dead or you're in jail.

00:08:33.587 --> 00:08:37.410
And he said to me I never wanted to disappoint you.

00:08:37.410 --> 00:08:46.994
And my dad cut communication with me after that but he got close with my grandmother because their relationship was kind of rocky.

00:08:46.994 --> 00:08:53.980
But the last thing we said to each other is that we loved each other that day that my dad passed away.

00:08:53.980 --> 00:08:57.287
He was supposed to call me that morning and he never called.

00:08:57.287 --> 00:09:08.701
And I often think to myself you know my daddy died and I hope he knew how much I loved him and I know that he did.

00:09:08.701 --> 00:09:20.682
But that haunted me for a very long time because of the last conversation that we had, because I knew, I felt it in my heart, that they were going to call and tell me one or two things and subsequently that's what happened.

00:09:20.682 --> 00:09:31.809
So after my dad passed away, I went through the real hard parts of grief because I felt guilty, because he and I went from talking every day to not talking at all.

00:09:31.809 --> 00:09:43.429
But in my mind I believe that my father was getting himself together and he had been in the VA for a very long time, but he was actually in transit to Arizona to another VA.

00:09:43.429 --> 00:09:54.580
He had been sober for about 60 days but he had to get that last hit and ultimately what I believe happened was his dealer felt like this man is 100 percent disabled.

00:09:54.580 --> 00:10:02.513
He's giving me four thousand dollars a month into cocaine, so I'm going to take him out because nobody else going to get my money, because my dad made two calls after he got out of the VA.

00:10:02.513 --> 00:10:06.910
One was to his dealer and one was to a taxi cab.

00:10:06.910 --> 00:10:10.490
I called the dealer's phone every day for 30 days.

00:10:10.490 --> 00:10:23.094
He never turned his phone back on, which lets me know that my dad's death was not accidental and nobody advocated for him, because to them they felt like, yes, he was a veteran, but he's another junkie off the street.

00:10:23.094 --> 00:10:23.822
My daddy was not a junkie.

00:10:23.822 --> 00:10:26.052
My daddy was an amazing father, a great son, was a veteran, but he's another junkie off the street.

00:10:26.052 --> 00:10:26.756
My daddy was not a junkie.

00:10:26.756 --> 00:10:30.769
My daddy was an amazing father, a great son and a great friend to everybody, and he was loved.

00:10:30.769 --> 00:10:33.067
So I went through that.

00:10:33.620 --> 00:10:34.813
So 2018.

00:10:34.813 --> 00:10:36.402
I get pregnant.

00:10:36.402 --> 00:10:42.254
I always wanted to be a mom and literally three days before Mother's Day, I lost my baby.

00:10:42.254 --> 00:10:50.874
And I remember driving home saying God, why would you give me this baby and then take it from me?

00:10:50.874 --> 00:10:56.432
And I'm like, ok, I lost my dad and now I lost my baby.

00:10:56.519 --> 00:11:01.052
So I went into a depression, but I didn't know I was depressed because I'm going to tell you why.

00:11:01.052 --> 00:11:02.822
I've always been a strong person.

00:11:02.822 --> 00:11:09.841
So I'm the type of person that when I'm feeling depressed or anything like that, I bury myself in work and that's what I did.

00:11:09.841 --> 00:11:15.905
I went right back to work after my dad and right back to work after my miscarriage and everybody was like, why are you going back?

00:11:15.905 --> 00:11:17.669
I buried myself in work.

00:11:17.669 --> 00:11:19.274
That's how I coped.

00:11:19.274 --> 00:11:28.543
I buried myself in work, I went and got another degree, and so I'm still dealing with this emotional trauma from losing my father and losing my baby.

00:11:28.543 --> 00:11:29.344
Back to back.

00:11:29.344 --> 00:11:33.149
And then you know, life was life.

00:11:33.311 --> 00:11:44.053
And so then, fast forward, my grandmother's health started to decline, which is my dad's mom, and I knew that.

00:11:44.053 --> 00:11:48.996
You know, with her health declining, that you know it wasn't going to end well.

00:11:48.996 --> 00:11:49.700
She was 95.

00:11:49.700 --> 00:12:05.842
My grandmother lived a wonderful life and so, right before my grandmother went into hospice, grandmother went into hospice.

00:12:05.842 --> 00:12:07.892
My mom, 65 years old, never drank, never smoked, never did, never even cursed, always a giver.

00:12:07.892 --> 00:12:09.278
I mean, my mom would give anybody this shirt off her back.

00:12:09.278 --> 00:12:12.966
Everybody that encountered my mom said they absolutely loved her.

00:12:12.966 --> 00:12:16.893
And, um, my grandmother goes into hospice.

00:12:17.052 --> 00:12:19.686
And then my mom is diagnosed with cancer.

00:12:19.686 --> 00:12:22.461
A little backstory with that.

00:12:22.461 --> 00:12:24.004
My mom was perfectly fine.

00:12:24.004 --> 00:12:25.369
We went to church one Sunday.

00:12:25.369 --> 00:12:27.682
Afterwards we went to dinner the next day.

00:12:27.682 --> 00:12:29.672
She wakes up in excruciating pain.

00:12:29.672 --> 00:12:32.402
She was vomiting and I said oh, mom, you just got a stomach bug.

00:12:32.402 --> 00:12:34.687
We take her to the emergency room.

00:12:34.687 --> 00:12:38.423
They come out and tell me they're like hey, your mom is really sick.

00:12:38.423 --> 00:12:40.570
Her liver levels are extremely high.

00:12:40.570 --> 00:12:42.158
We're thinking it's in the gallbladder.

00:12:42.158 --> 00:12:45.087
We have to transport her to another hospital.

00:12:45.087 --> 00:12:45.870
We have to admit her.

00:12:45.870 --> 00:12:48.469
So, okay, we transport her to the hospital.

00:12:48.469 --> 00:12:50.547
They run a million tests.

00:12:50.547 --> 00:12:52.828
She ended up having like three surgeries.

00:12:53.600 --> 00:12:55.885
The last surgery was to remove her gallbladder.

00:12:55.885 --> 00:13:02.823
The surgeon comes out, tells me that the gallbladder spilled out into her stomach and they had to fish gallstones out.

00:13:02.823 --> 00:13:04.427
But she was going to be fine.

00:13:04.427 --> 00:13:07.424
They put a stent in and they told us we had to get the stent removed.

00:13:07.424 --> 00:13:14.486
Two weeks later, what we thought was going to be a stent removal turned into hey, you have stage one gallbladder cancer.

00:13:15.909 --> 00:13:18.642
I can remember sitting in the room bawling.

00:13:18.642 --> 00:13:20.044
My mom never cried.

00:13:20.044 --> 00:13:25.625
She turned and looked at me and said don't you worry, boo, because that's what her and my dad called me, I'm not leaving you.

00:13:25.625 --> 00:13:32.991
So I asked that she be transported, or transferred rather, to St Mary's.

00:13:32.991 --> 00:13:34.014
We go there.

00:13:34.100 --> 00:13:36.966
We meet with the oncologist, we meet with the surgeon.

00:13:36.966 --> 00:13:41.251
They both said the same thing it's stage one, your mom is healthy, she never drank, she never smoked.

00:13:41.251 --> 00:13:53.849
They said what we're going to do is we're going to give her a surgery that's going to take the perimeter from around where the gallbladder was to make sure it didn't spread anywhere, and from there we'll probably give her a chemo pill at home.

00:13:53.849 --> 00:13:55.201
She'll be fine, full recovery.

00:13:55.241 --> 00:13:59.451
So we asked them that day OK, let's do the surgery as soon as possible.

00:13:59.451 --> 00:14:00.793
Oh, you don't have nothing to worry about.

00:14:00.793 --> 00:14:04.519
We're going to wait about a month to do it because you know you just had your gallbladder removed.

00:14:04.519 --> 00:14:07.048
We want to give that scar tissue time to heal.

00:14:07.048 --> 00:14:14.652
Yeah, so so we go in for the surgery and they tell us the surgery is going to be seven hours.

00:14:14.652 --> 00:14:28.246
About an hour and a half into, well, about an hour into the surgery, they me hey, your mom's doing great, everything's going well.

00:14:28.246 --> 00:14:32.177
Um, I'm outside in the garden at saint mary's and I get another call from them about 30 minutes later and they said to me the surgeon wants to talk to you.

00:14:32.197 --> 00:14:49.850
I, that was the longest walk that I ever had and I just remember thinking my mom has died on the table because no surgeon in their right mind is going to come out of a six hour surgery to talk to me and risk the chances of, you know, getting catching something and taking it back to their patient.

00:14:49.850 --> 00:15:02.731
So I had a couple of my family members there and I'm walking past them because I was in the garden and they were sitting in the waiting area and I said the surgeon wants to talk to me and they're like, oh good, the surgery is over.

00:15:02.731 --> 00:15:05.124
And I said something's not right.

00:15:05.124 --> 00:15:08.498
But again, they're kind of oblivious to what's going on.

00:15:08.498 --> 00:15:17.803
So the surgeon comes in, he takes his hat off and he looks at me and he says I'm so sorry, the hospital didn't tell us that they spilled the gallbladder into her stomach.

00:15:18.205 --> 00:15:20.948
The report they sent over said the gallbladder was whole.

00:15:20.948 --> 00:15:29.693
This week they sent us a corrected report letting us know that the gallbladder decelerated and that's why we called her to do the MRI.

00:15:29.693 --> 00:15:34.063
The MRI showed that the cancer had spread, but we wanted to make sure.

00:15:34.063 --> 00:15:36.607
So we opened her up to make sure.

00:15:36.607 --> 00:15:41.256
And it has spread and it is now stage four, peritoneal carcinomatosis.

00:15:41.256 --> 00:15:43.019
Um, there's no cure.

00:15:43.019 --> 00:15:50.903
The average, um, the average of life is six months and um, we're going to give her chemo to keep her alive a little longer.

00:15:50.903 --> 00:15:52.530
But the prognosis is not good.

00:15:52.972 --> 00:16:22.974
And I looked and I just started throwing things and I looked at the surgeon and I remember and I walked out I remember him looking at me with like tears in his ass and I walked out and and so my aunt I could hear her apologizing to him and I walked past my family and they were like thank God, it's over, you know, they were happy and clapping and I said no, no, and I broke down and I told them and I remember the look on their face as we sat there and then people were walking by us and they were just looking like, why are these people crying like this?

00:16:23.340 --> 00:16:31.455
And I even saw some other people start to cry and I got myself together, I went back in there and I listened to what he had to say.

00:16:31.455 --> 00:16:37.731
Now, mind you, my mom was under anesthesia because she thought she was going to be in a six-hour surgery.

00:16:37.731 --> 00:16:42.066
So they said we haven't told her yet, we're going to let you tell her.

00:16:42.066 --> 00:16:48.065
So they take me down to the recovery room and I look at her and I said, mommy, we're going home.

00:16:48.179 --> 00:16:49.325
And she said well, why are we going?

00:16:49.365 --> 00:16:49.667
home.

00:16:49.667 --> 00:16:50.844
I said, well, we're going home.

00:16:50.844 --> 00:16:53.029
So I put her in the car, I take her home.

00:16:53.029 --> 00:16:54.807
She's under anesthesia that whole night.

00:16:54.807 --> 00:17:04.442
The next day she wakes up and she said why am I here, why didn't they do the surgery?

00:17:04.442 --> 00:17:05.684
And I did not want to tell her.

00:17:05.684 --> 00:17:06.705
And I told her.

00:17:06.705 --> 00:17:07.026
I said so.

00:17:07.026 --> 00:17:08.587
Then she said tell me now, boo.

00:17:08.587 --> 00:17:09.167
So I told her.

00:17:09.167 --> 00:17:12.112
I said, mom, you know they're saying you got stage four peritoneal carcinomatosis.

00:17:12.112 --> 00:17:14.054
She said I won't receive that.

00:17:14.054 --> 00:17:14.894
I trust God.

00:17:14.894 --> 00:17:15.955
And that's what we did.

00:17:15.955 --> 00:17:18.761
We started chemo.

00:17:18.761 --> 00:17:20.428
She went through six months of chemo.

00:17:20.428 --> 00:17:24.147
My mom had not one symptom.

00:17:24.147 --> 00:17:26.509
The oncologist couldn't believe it.

00:17:26.509 --> 00:17:28.939
The oncologist, it was so crazy.

00:17:28.939 --> 00:17:31.087
Because we continued to trust God.

00:17:31.087 --> 00:17:37.603
We started to pray, we started to fast, we started to do holistic things and people thought we were totally insane.

00:17:37.603 --> 00:17:44.839
Even down to the I'm serious even down to the oncologist she was like you know.

00:17:45.059 --> 00:17:55.178
I know people have faith, but the science doesn't lie, but every two weeks we were at St Mary's and my mom was going through chemo and they were saying you don't have this symptom.

00:17:55.178 --> 00:17:56.318
No, you don't have this symptom.

00:17:56.318 --> 00:17:57.298
No, no, no, no.

00:17:57.298 --> 00:18:04.163
So the day before Thanksgiving 2023, my mom had her scans and they said they could not find any cancer.

00:18:04.163 --> 00:18:05.903
She rang the bell.

00:18:05.903 --> 00:18:10.346
We were so happy and then, at that point, my mom rang the bell.

00:18:10.346 --> 00:18:11.606
The day before Thanksgiving.

00:18:12.446 --> 00:18:15.407
Two weeks later, my grandmother passed away, peacefully.

00:18:15.407 --> 00:18:24.012
She passed away and my prayer was in the beginning of January 2023, lord, heal my mom, but go ahead and take my granny, because my granny was 95.

00:18:24.012 --> 00:18:33.626
She was ready to go, she had lived her life and the crazy thing about it was my grandmother was so strong because my father passed away on July 6, 2017.

00:18:33.626 --> 00:18:39.040
And not even 15 days later, she lost another son.

00:18:39.040 --> 00:18:42.968
So literally, she buried two kids the same month.

00:18:42.968 --> 00:18:44.616
So she was strong, you know.

00:18:44.616 --> 00:18:48.526
So, when the Lord took her, I said you know what God?

00:18:48.526 --> 00:18:49.548
You honor my request.

00:18:49.548 --> 00:18:54.557
You healed my mom and my granny is with you and at peace.

00:18:54.557 --> 00:18:59.227
And not even two weeks later, my mom developed excruciating pain.

00:18:59.227 --> 00:19:00.977
We went back to the emergency room.

00:19:00.977 --> 00:19:04.425
They said the cancer had come back and it had tripled in size.

00:19:04.425 --> 00:19:16.979
Um, from there we started a new chemo in january and, literally how I knew, my mom was so strong because the chemo that she was on it was called Folfox.

00:19:16.979 --> 00:19:22.219
Most people that are younger than her and healthier than her can only do two rounds of Folfox.

00:19:22.219 --> 00:19:28.557
My mom literally almost finished the entire cycle, but I saw her body just go down.

00:19:28.557 --> 00:19:31.824
My mom started losing weight rapidly.

00:19:31.824 --> 00:19:33.026
She could not eat.

00:19:33.026 --> 00:19:36.601
She was, she developed, she became septic several times.

00:19:36.601 --> 00:19:38.769
So at this point we're in the hospital.

00:19:39.351 --> 00:19:48.135
I'm literally staying with my mom in the hospital, sometimes for 30, like 15 days at a time, and I mean I'm not leaving, so I'm taking enough clothes.

00:19:48.135 --> 00:19:56.661
I moved in the hospital because I need to be there because, think about it, I moved in the hospital because I need to be there because, think about it, I trusted you all with my mom one time and look what you did.

00:19:56.661 --> 00:19:58.682
So now I'm going to be.

00:19:58.682 --> 00:20:02.304
I don't care if it wasn't the same hospital, every hospital, I'm going to be there.

00:20:02.304 --> 00:20:03.825
So I was there around the clock.

00:20:03.825 --> 00:20:05.586
Nobody stayed with my mom but me.

00:20:05.586 --> 00:20:11.109
I was there around the clock and I saw my mom fighting and I knew she was tired.

00:20:11.410 --> 00:20:14.471
But one thing I can say is my mom never complained.

00:20:14.471 --> 00:20:16.192
She never complained.

00:20:16.192 --> 00:20:19.163
She was sick as a dog sometimes.

00:20:19.163 --> 00:20:20.674
And I would look at her and she was like I'm okay, I trust God.

00:20:20.674 --> 00:20:23.223
And we had this thing where we would say it is well.

00:20:23.223 --> 00:20:29.915
And I told her from the beginning my prayer was simple Lord, if you're not going to heal her on earth, don't let her suffer.

00:20:29.915 --> 00:20:37.781
And I also told her, I said, mommy, I said if you ever get to the point where you don't want to fight anymore, don't hold on for me, because I'll be all right.

00:20:37.781 --> 00:20:45.086
And when she finally decided that she was tired, she wasn't doing any more chemo, I said then we go home.

00:20:45.086 --> 00:20:54.692
And so ironically now remember, I told you about the oncologist who said basically was in so many words, she didn't have faith.

00:21:04.595 --> 00:21:08.272
The day she walked in and she saw that my mom had basically depleted and my mom told her no more.

00:21:08.272 --> 00:21:08.775
The oncologist cried.

00:21:08.775 --> 00:21:18.182
She cried and she said I wanted you to be the one because your faith through this has made me believe.

00:21:18.182 --> 00:21:19.928
She said I wanted you to be the one and see, that's the thing.

00:21:19.928 --> 00:21:26.723
I couldn't understand why, initially, god would do something like this to my mom, and I questioned him.

00:21:26.723 --> 00:21:27.586
I was mad at God.

00:21:27.586 --> 00:21:31.862
I'm outside in the country in Sussex County, yelling that day when she got diagnosed.

00:21:31.923 --> 00:21:33.686
I'm outside yelling to the top of my lungs.

00:21:33.686 --> 00:21:35.721
Why would you do this to her?

00:21:35.721 --> 00:21:36.999
She serves you.

00:21:36.999 --> 00:21:39.078
We in church, we're faithful.

00:21:39.078 --> 00:21:40.681
Why would you do this to her?

00:21:40.681 --> 00:21:42.576
You got some explaining to do.

00:21:42.576 --> 00:21:47.500
Because we trust you, I said God, I trust you, but I'm mad as hell at you right now.

00:21:47.500 --> 00:21:54.540
I had to repent after that because I was like you know what, I'm going to cuss that guy.

00:21:54.796 --> 00:21:57.424
But I needed him to understand because I got a relationship with the Lord.

00:21:57.674 --> 00:22:01.165
So I need you to come down and talk to me and explain to me why you're doing this.

00:22:01.165 --> 00:22:06.728
And so it was in that moment when that oncologist said what she said.

00:22:06.728 --> 00:22:10.944
I mean, my family was fasting and my friends were fasting.

00:22:10.944 --> 00:22:11.788
We were praying.

00:22:11.788 --> 00:22:13.195
My mom changed the world.

00:22:13.195 --> 00:22:14.226
My church family was fasting and my friends were fasting.

00:22:14.226 --> 00:22:14.299
We were praying.

00:22:14.299 --> 00:22:14.325
My mom changed the world.

00:22:14.325 --> 00:22:16.661
My church family was fasting and praying.

00:22:16.661 --> 00:22:24.605
People were looking at us like how are they going through hell and her daughter's still in the choir singing every Sunday?

00:22:24.605 --> 00:22:29.481
They're going through hell Literally, I kid you not.

00:22:29.481 --> 00:22:35.316
Our church sends us our you know, know, statements of our contributions and I just got it at the beginning of this year.

00:22:35.316 --> 00:22:38.102
My mom still tied up.

00:22:38.102 --> 00:22:43.336
Until two weeks before she died, I had no idea that she was cash app in the church.

00:22:43.336 --> 00:22:49.836
My mom was still giving back to the lord and she knew what was going on you know what I'm saying.

00:22:49.855 --> 00:22:51.539
We, we were just faith driven.

00:22:51.539 --> 00:22:54.626
So so I'm looking at my mom's story.

00:22:54.626 --> 00:22:56.109
I'm looking at and we were, we were.

00:22:56.109 --> 00:22:59.898
We were hush hush at first, like we didn't want anybody to know what was going on.

00:22:59.898 --> 00:23:00.801
And then I told my mom.

00:23:00.801 --> 00:23:03.977
I said we have to tell the story because people have to see the glory.

00:23:03.977 --> 00:23:09.964
So we started to tell, like this is what she's going through, um, and people saw us still serving, still trusted.

00:23:09.964 --> 00:23:14.431
My mom was to the point where she was still going to church until she just didn't have the strength.

00:23:14.431 --> 00:23:16.133
My mom was still serving.

00:23:16.173 --> 00:23:23.969
My mom was at chemo planning a whole trip for our women's ministry, literally planning the entire trip at chemo, like we served.

00:23:23.969 --> 00:23:28.865
And so when the oncologist said what she said, I said Lord, you had to pick my mom.

00:23:28.865 --> 00:23:37.784
You had to pick my mom because people probably looked at her and said she done everything right by the Lord and he doing this to her, she going to curse him.

00:23:37.784 --> 00:23:40.739
My mom never did, even down to the fact.

00:23:40.739 --> 00:24:01.019
Something I said we would say every night and I do weekly Wellness Wednesday post videos and something I would say to her every night is you are healthy, you are whole and you are healed, even if it's on the other side, because I knew that my mom was gonna be healthy, whole to heal, whether it was on earth or was on the other side.

00:24:01.019 --> 00:24:10.282
Yeah, the week that she transitioned, my mom was so weak all she could say was and I knew that he was healing her on the other side.

00:24:10.282 --> 00:24:16.250
So you know, my mom's story was to bring other people closer to.

00:24:16.290 --> 00:24:16.711
God.

00:24:17.195 --> 00:24:19.825
Because they're looking at us like these people are insane.

00:24:19.825 --> 00:24:21.161
How are they trusting this man?

00:24:21.161 --> 00:24:24.174
How are you serving this man and he letting this happen to this woman?

00:24:24.174 --> 00:24:26.522
That's been good as gold to everybody.

00:24:26.563 --> 00:24:26.983
That is so deep.

00:24:27.174 --> 00:24:30.424
And so you know, I sit back and I think about it.

00:24:30.424 --> 00:24:37.868
The night my mom transitioned, I posted, I said and I'm going to get to the to the night that she transitioned because I'm going to tell you how faithful God is.

00:24:37.868 --> 00:24:44.647
But the night she transitioned I post on Facebook and I said you were there for my first breath and I was there for your last.

00:24:44.647 --> 00:24:45.936
Take your rest, buttercup.

00:24:45.936 --> 00:24:54.390
And a young lady inboxed me and said I have been mad with God for a while because he took my mom, but I saw your faith.

00:24:54.674 --> 00:24:54.976
Yeah.

00:24:55.135 --> 00:24:56.578
And I want to trust him again.

00:24:56.578 --> 00:25:00.025
And I said then that is what it was for.

00:25:00.025 --> 00:25:03.619
People saw us go through hell and my mom's funeral.

00:25:03.619 --> 00:25:05.726
You didn't see me crying and doing all that stuff.

00:25:05.726 --> 00:25:11.423
I was praising the Lord and people probably said that girl is crazy, but I knew it was well.

00:25:11.423 --> 00:25:17.090
I understood that my mom was free and he answered my prayer.

00:25:17.090 --> 00:25:24.088
I had to learn with my dad that God answers prayers, but not always the way we see fit.

00:25:24.088 --> 00:25:28.002
My prayer was simple Let my daddy be safe.

00:25:28.143 --> 00:25:33.464
Listen, we gotta, we gotta think about it, Cause we ask God for things and we don't be specific about that.

00:25:33.464 --> 00:25:37.946
So I said to him I want you to heal my daddy and I want to know where he's at.

00:25:38.295 --> 00:25:41.484
So when my daddy died, I said God, you didn't do what I asked you to do but he did.

00:25:41.694 --> 00:25:44.163
I can go to Blanford Cemetery whenever I want to see my daddy.

00:25:44.163 --> 00:25:45.882
I know where he's at and he's healed.

00:25:45.882 --> 00:25:49.297
He's no longer addicted to drugs, so God answers my prayer.

00:25:49.557 --> 00:25:51.858
He just didn't answer it like I wanted him to.

00:25:52.318 --> 00:26:03.748
So I've learned in that, you know, regardless of his grief or whatever it is, I've learned to be OK with God answering the prayer not the way I want to, because his will is best.

00:26:03.748 --> 00:26:08.290
Let me tell you, my mom went out on her own terms.

00:26:08.290 --> 00:26:15.538
She decided when she no longer wanted treatment, we brought her here, and I mean when I say she had the most beautiful transition.

00:26:15.538 --> 00:26:27.949
It was so crazy because she, about five or six days before she um transitioned, she got up one morning and she yelled at me shirante, I'm ready to go, let's go.

00:26:27.949 --> 00:26:30.599
And I said, mommy, I can't go with you.

00:26:30.599 --> 00:26:30.961
Right?

00:26:30.961 --> 00:26:35.229
And I remember her telling me um a few days prior.

00:26:35.229 --> 00:26:37.138
She said I just hear doors closing.

00:26:37.138 --> 00:26:38.041
I could sleep if I could.

00:26:38.041 --> 00:26:39.945
Those doors wouldn't stop closing.

00:26:39.945 --> 00:26:43.671
And I told my aunts and my cousins I said those are the chapters of her life closing.

00:26:43.671 --> 00:26:45.738
I said she's hearing the chapters of her life closed.

00:26:45.738 --> 00:26:54.518
And so then she told me one morning I was um getting her, I was giving her a bath and she said Chirante, I think I'm getting ready to die.

00:26:54.518 --> 00:26:55.902
She said but I don't want to.

00:26:55.902 --> 00:26:57.205
She said I don't want to go.

00:26:57.205 --> 00:26:58.979
Yet I said well, mommy, why?

00:26:58.979 --> 00:27:01.125
I said because you know I'm gonna be all right.

00:27:01.125 --> 00:27:01.887
She say yes.

00:27:01.887 --> 00:27:07.642
And I had a cousin, um, my, my mom's niece, evelyn.

00:27:07.642 --> 00:27:10.807
She, the two of them were thick as thieves, like my.

00:27:10.807 --> 00:27:18.487
I was, my mom was everything, but after me probably was Evelyn, and Evelyn could not come to terms with letting my mommy go.

00:27:18.487 --> 00:27:21.904
And I said Mommy, I got Evelyn.

00:27:21.904 --> 00:27:23.440
She said she has to accept it.

00:27:23.440 --> 00:27:24.163
I said I got her.

00:27:24.163 --> 00:27:25.500
I got her and I got them.

00:27:25.500 --> 00:27:28.143
I said don't worry about that.

00:27:28.143 --> 00:27:31.778
She said well, I've been walking around looking for mama and daddy.

00:27:31.778 --> 00:27:32.419
That's her parents.

00:27:32.419 --> 00:27:34.500
She said well, I've been walking around looking for mama and daddy.

00:27:34.500 --> 00:27:34.961
That's her parents.

00:27:34.961 --> 00:27:35.821
She said, but I haven't seen them yet.

00:27:35.821 --> 00:27:36.502
I said well, when you see them?

00:27:36.502 --> 00:27:37.282
I said it's okay to go.

00:27:37.303 --> 00:27:42.008
So the next morning I was sitting at her bedside singing to her and she just said it's time to go.

00:27:42.008 --> 00:27:44.589
And I said did you see grandma and grandpa?

00:27:44.589 --> 00:27:45.371
She said yes.

00:27:45.371 --> 00:27:46.791
So I was curious.

00:27:46.791 --> 00:27:48.976
I said what did they say?

00:27:48.976 --> 00:27:49.536
She said it's time to go.

00:27:49.536 --> 00:27:50.998
I said well, you go, girl.

00:27:50.998 --> 00:27:54.421
And from there my mom just went into transition mode.

00:27:54.421 --> 00:27:59.566
She stopped talking, she was just laying there peacefully and my mom had the most beautiful glow.

00:28:00.047 --> 00:28:16.001
Everybody that came because I allowed my family and friends and people that were close to her, her coworkers, because my mom had retired, literally retired, and only was out of work a year before she was diagnosed.

00:28:16.001 --> 00:28:17.527
So her two last two years of retirement she spent fighting cancer.

00:28:17.527 --> 00:28:20.817
And um, everybody that came here said she looks so peaceful, she looks so beautiful.

00:28:20.817 --> 00:28:27.007
And um, I had told them back in, maybe may.

00:28:27.007 --> 00:28:29.496
I said my mom isn't gonna make it through the end of summer.

00:28:29.496 --> 00:28:31.799
I knew it, god had already prepared me for it.

00:28:31.799 --> 00:28:54.748
And one thing I will say is I feel like I did not grieve because I had mourned my mom before she even died, because when you're dealing with someone you love with cancer and you see them not able to eat, you see them not able to sleep, you see them in excruciating pain, and I can just remember my mom weeping, saying God, please help me, please help me.

00:28:54.748 --> 00:28:59.204
And one time my mommy looked at me and she said I haven't done anything wrong.

00:28:59.204 --> 00:29:01.336
I've never done anything wrong.

00:29:01.336 --> 00:29:02.820
Why did this happen to me?

00:29:02.820 --> 00:29:03.643
And I said, mommy?

00:29:03.643 --> 00:29:07.282
I said some babies have cancer and you know they haven't done anything wrong.

00:29:07.282 --> 00:29:08.852
I said you didn't do anything wrong.

00:29:08.852 --> 00:29:11.098
I said you just got to go through your process.

00:29:11.599 --> 00:29:29.147
And so September 21st well, it was actually September 20th, but September 20th, approximately around 1130 PM, I was sitting at my mom's bedside with my best friend and she started to have the death rattle.

00:29:29.147 --> 00:29:33.586
And so from that point my aunt, my two cousins, were in the living room.

00:29:33.586 --> 00:29:35.199
I told my best friend, I said go get them.

00:29:35.199 --> 00:29:36.643
One of my cousins is a nurse.

00:29:36.643 --> 00:29:39.838
So when she came in the room she said you know what that is?

00:29:39.838 --> 00:29:52.144
I say yes, I shed some tears and then I immediately I started playing Yeshua, my beloved worship music, because for the last two days I had been just playing worship music for my mom.

00:29:52.585 --> 00:29:57.991
When my mom was very, very sick with chemo, we would always play Yeshua, my beloved soaking music.

00:29:57.991 --> 00:30:03.343
It's a 20-minute instrumental, just deep worship, and so that was what we were familiar with.

00:30:03.343 --> 00:30:12.778
So I played that and I noticed she got to the point where she was trying to fight it and so she would take a breath and then she would say mm-mm.

00:30:12.778 --> 00:30:16.105
So I'm a prayer, I'm a worshiper.

00:30:16.105 --> 00:30:18.169
So I told my best friend go get my oil.

00:30:18.169 --> 00:30:32.101
So my best friend got my oil, I started anointing her and you know I've never told this story publicly because initially I was going to tell it on my Wellness Wednesday and the Lord said it's not time.

00:30:32.101 --> 00:30:41.303
So I'm guessing that this time was appropriate for me to tell, because I'm telling you.

00:30:41.303 --> 00:30:43.132
Um, so it had to be told in this season because I literally posted on my wellness Wednesday.

00:30:43.152 --> 00:30:46.740
I said I was going to tell you my mom's transition story, but the Lord said not yet.

00:30:46.740 --> 00:30:50.607
So, um, I started just praying for her.

00:30:50.607 --> 00:30:58.287
And I started to pray in the spirit, because sometimes you don't know what to say to God, so I had to start praying in the spirit to get the guidance on what to say.

00:30:58.287 --> 00:31:01.784
And I remember saying to him show me what she's seeing.

00:31:01.784 --> 00:31:10.221
And it was almost like I saw the brightest light, to the point that I had to like shield my eyes just hovering over her.

00:31:10.221 --> 00:31:23.386
And I just saw in the spirit and, mind you, my cousins, my aunt and my best friend are in there with me and I saw this big wooden door.

00:31:23.887 --> 00:31:28.559
Now, remember, I told you days before my mom kept saying I keep hearing these doors closing.

00:31:28.559 --> 00:31:53.304
So there's this big wooden door and there's this most beautiful floating kind of like light and I knew it was God and I could just see him taking his arms, motioning her to come and his arms were like light, as a feather, and behind him I could see this beautiful blue sky and the greenest grass you ever wanted to see.

00:31:53.304 --> 00:31:55.201
And he's saying come.

00:31:55.201 --> 00:31:57.583
And what I saw was my mom.

00:31:57.583 --> 00:32:17.807
My mom looked like an ant compared to this to God, because I knew it was God, and behind her was nothing but a black wall and she was looking back at the black wall and kept looking back at him, saying now we heard her here saying, and I asked him to show me what she was saying because she was struggling.

00:32:17.807 --> 00:32:24.266
So I said okay, she's saying no because she doesn't want to leave us.

00:32:24.727 --> 00:32:32.337
So as I'm sitting here, I tell my cousins and my aunts and they can vouch for me because I'm sure somebody listening to this probably thinks I'm nuts.

00:32:32.337 --> 00:32:36.968
But if you know the Lord like I do, god is intentional about everything.

00:32:36.968 --> 00:32:44.269
So I say to my cousins and my aunts I said I have to show y'all what I'm seeing in the spirit, because I know you guys can't see it.

00:32:44.269 --> 00:32:49.602
So I tell them and I said so.

00:32:49.602 --> 00:32:55.391
As I'm telling them what I see, I see a picture of my cousin Evelyn's face in the blackness.

00:32:55.391 --> 00:32:57.861
So I said to her sister because her sister was there.

00:32:57.861 --> 00:32:59.685
I said we need to call Evelyn.

00:32:59.685 --> 00:33:02.904
Evelyn needs to tell her that it's OK to go, because that's why she's struggling.

00:33:02.904 --> 00:33:04.721
I said is she by herself?

00:33:04.721 --> 00:33:06.140
She said yes.

00:33:06.140 --> 00:33:08.596
I said so we cannot call her.

00:33:08.596 --> 00:33:11.400
Because, again, my mom and Evelyn were closer than close.

00:33:11.400 --> 00:33:13.883
So I said to them, I said I got to pray her in.

00:33:14.423 --> 00:33:19.648
So I started to rub my mom's chest and her stomach and I said just go through the door, mommy.

00:33:19.648 --> 00:33:21.671
I said it's OK, just go through the door.

00:33:21.671 --> 00:33:27.536
And in the spirit I could see my mom walking to the door.

00:33:27.536 --> 00:33:30.656
The more I prayed and the more I rubbed her, she walked closer and closer, like a little child.

00:33:30.656 --> 00:33:37.701
And when she got into the doorpost she looked back at me in the spirit, her eyes opened.

00:33:37.701 --> 00:33:41.261
Now, mind you, I'm hovering over her hospital bed in my back bedroom.

00:33:41.261 --> 00:33:42.623
We're face to face.

00:33:42.623 --> 00:33:44.084
And I said, mommy.

00:33:44.084 --> 00:33:47.846
I said I didn't at the time, I didn't know.

00:33:47.885 --> 00:33:52.788
When she yelled at me a few days before saying let's go, I'm ready to go, then I would really go with her.

00:33:52.788 --> 00:33:57.750
But I think God has shown her that I was going to be the one to usher her in.

00:33:57.750 --> 00:34:00.652
So I said to her, I leaned in and I said Mommy.

00:34:00.652 --> 00:34:04.314
I said I went as far as I can go with you, just like you wanted.

00:34:04.314 --> 00:34:07.659
I said, but I cannot go across the door, I said.

00:34:07.659 --> 00:34:12.927
I said to her, I said I'll always be on the other side of the door.

00:34:12.927 --> 00:34:15.449
I said love knows no distance.

00:34:15.449 --> 00:34:17.922
And I said forever me and you.

00:34:17.922 --> 00:34:22.327
And as I said forever me and you, I pointed to myself and I pointed to her.

00:34:22.327 --> 00:34:30.237
She shed two tears and took her last breath and I closed her eyes and I said job well done.

00:34:30.777 --> 00:35:02.123
And I prayed in that moment and I thanked God for loving me enough to not only give me the most amazing mom, but I also thanked him for allowing me the opportunity to usher her and go all the way with her, because he loved me so much that he allowed my face to be the last face that she saw and he allowed me to see that she, I knew where my mom was going, but he allowed me to see where she was going.

00:35:02.123 --> 00:35:18.148
And so you know, and not to get super emotional, but you know, that's just the goodness of God, because me and my mom were so close, because when she was diagnosed, my prayer was God, you got to take me because I can't live without her.

00:35:18.148 --> 00:35:31.822
And instead of him giving her six months, like the doctors say it, they gave, he gave her 17 months to give me the to the place where I was okay with ushering her into him, and I told him thank you for loaning her to me.

00:35:31.822 --> 00:35:41.132
And so, at the age of 37, february, at the age of 36, september 21st, I became an orphan.

00:35:41.132 --> 00:35:45.483
I became an orphan, so I have no immediate family.

00:35:45.483 --> 00:35:50.907
I have no husband, no children, no parents, no grandparents, no siblings.

00:35:50.907 --> 00:35:53.398
I became an orphan.

00:35:53.559 --> 00:36:07.945
And so life after that has been difficult, because I spent my whole life taking care of people, and now I have to take care of me, and I don't know what that looks like.

00:36:07.945 --> 00:36:12.284
You know, being a clinician, I help people, I take care of people.

00:36:12.284 --> 00:36:18.217
I took care of my grandma, I took care of my dad, I took care of my mom, and my mom told me.

00:36:18.217 --> 00:36:22.264
She said to me a few days before she passed away.

00:36:22.264 --> 00:36:24.648
She said you live your life.

00:36:24.648 --> 00:36:27.043
She said because you have honored me.

00:36:27.043 --> 00:36:30.744
She said I wouldn't have made it this far without you.

00:36:30.744 --> 00:36:37.362
She said, so you live with no regrets, and so I know that I did everything I was supposed to do.

00:36:37.362 --> 00:36:42.764
So I don't really grieve because I honored them, I honored them all.

00:36:42.764 --> 00:36:43.847
But does it hurt?

00:36:43.847 --> 00:36:45.715
Absolutely, absolutely.

00:36:45.715 --> 00:36:48.132
But that's my story.

00:36:49.987 --> 00:37:18.548
So I do have a nonprofit now that's called Sharon Cares and it's in honor of my mom Her name was Sharon and we donate snacks and crossword puzzles to the patients at St Mary's Chemo Infusion Center, because my mom went there and a lot of times you know, we run out of snacks because, believe it or not, the infusion center is packed.

00:37:18.548 --> 00:37:21.614
So we donate monthly in her honor.

00:37:21.614 --> 00:37:29.077
We're also going to be doing our first cancer walk in her honor, hopefully in May, prayerfully.

00:37:29.077 --> 00:37:29.458
In May.

00:37:29.458 --> 00:37:49.188
We have a scholarship at my church in her name that I plan to award a scholarship to students that are studying medicine, and we're also going to be picking a caregiver of the quarter to do something nice for, because being a caregiver is tough and a lot of times we don't get, you know, the support we need.

00:37:49.188 --> 00:37:53.016
So I want to honor those people who are caring for people with cancer.

00:37:53.016 --> 00:37:58.855
So I guess you could say that this is a gift that keeps on giving.

00:38:00.157 --> 00:38:07.034
I tell my patients all the time when adversity comes, trauma comes, when the hurt comes, you got one or two choices.

00:38:07.034 --> 00:38:10.650
You can let it break you or you can let it make you.

00:38:10.650 --> 00:38:18.972
I teach essay groups three times a week because I want to be able to save somebody's parent, because I couldn't save my dad.

00:38:18.972 --> 00:38:30.485
So I've used the trauma and the hurt and the loss and the grief to motivate me to do what I need to do in the community for other people.

00:38:30.485 --> 00:38:37.969
That's where I find my fulfillment from, because as long as I do that, maurice and Sharon's legacy will live forever.

00:38:37.969 --> 00:38:40.634
Um, because I'm giving back in their honor.

00:38:40.634 --> 00:38:42.844
So, um, it is well, it is well.

00:38:42.844 --> 00:38:43.766
You know you're an amazing person.

00:38:43.786 --> 00:38:46.853
Um, wow, 37 with so many losses, and uh want to say you're an amazing person.

00:38:46.853 --> 00:38:52.068
Wow, Thirty seven with so many losses, and you keep going.

00:38:52.068 --> 00:38:58.440
What advice would you give to someone who is struggling with multiple losses, like you just went through?

00:38:58.440 --> 00:38:59.568
What advice would you give them?

00:39:01.032 --> 00:39:02.295
You can't die with them.

00:39:02.295 --> 00:39:10.498
So many times when we lose people, we want to die with them and to a certain degree we do.

00:39:10.498 --> 00:39:15.996
A piece of us dies with our family members, but we can't die with them.

00:39:15.996 --> 00:39:21.034
Choose to live and, as hard as it is, give yourself grace.

00:39:21.034 --> 00:39:25.347
Some days I don't feel like getting out of bed and guess what If I don't?

00:39:25.347 --> 00:39:27.570
I don't, but I don't stay there long.

00:39:27.570 --> 00:39:33.769
We cannot stay in grief and what I will say is I chose not to grieve, I chose to mourn.

00:39:33.769 --> 00:39:35.833
There's no ending to grief.

00:39:35.873 --> 00:39:37.061
Hold on what's the difference, but mourning.

00:39:37.605 --> 00:39:38.951
So you got to think about it.

00:39:38.951 --> 00:39:43.550
Mourning doesn't last, mourning doesn't last.

00:39:43.550 --> 00:40:18.092
No-transcript, and that's how I used to call my mom tore me up, so it's always the little things.

00:40:18.092 --> 00:40:39.197
I can walk through my house right now and it's almost like I can smell my mom and I even have one of her jackets the last jacket I bought her hanging up in her closet in my house, back in the bedroom that she transitioned in, and I go back there every now and then and smell it because her scent is still there.

00:40:39.664 --> 00:40:45.237
So there's always going to be moments where you're going to miss them, but you cannot die with them.

00:40:45.237 --> 00:40:51.025
You have to live your life and honor them the best way you can.

00:40:51.025 --> 00:41:00.853
On the days that you just don't have the energy or you don't feel like doing it, don't, but don't allow yourself to stay there too far or too long.

00:41:00.853 --> 00:41:03.519
Get a therapist if you need one.

00:41:03.519 --> 00:41:15.954
I did not do therapy, which was shame on me, but I felt as though, because I'm a clinician, because I do therapy, I would all be psychoanalyzing them while they're analyzing me.

00:41:15.954 --> 00:41:17.835
So I felt like it wouldn't be fair.

00:41:17.835 --> 00:41:26.521
But what I would say is talk to someone, figure out what you want to do with your life, but you can't die with them.

00:41:26.521 --> 00:41:39.108
I saw a picture one time of a casket being lowered and then you know they started to settle and it showed the loved one trying to stick their head in the grave with their families.

00:41:39.108 --> 00:41:45.510
We can't die with them because the reality of it is, even if you want to, you're not going nowhere until the Lord is ready for you.

00:41:45.510 --> 00:42:03.139
So you have to be able to kind of put the pieces of your life back together, lean on your faith, if you believe in whatever your higher power is, and just remember that it won't always be like this and it is well.

00:42:03.139 --> 00:42:04.947
Even when we don't like it.

00:42:04.947 --> 00:42:05.708
It is well.

00:42:05.708 --> 00:42:11.606
It's hard, it is well, even when you know we feel like god left us.

00:42:11.606 --> 00:42:19.489
It is still well, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that if my mama could come back here, she wouldn't want to.

00:42:19.489 --> 00:42:21.574
She would not want to.

00:42:21.574 --> 00:42:23.237
Now, my mama love me down.

00:42:23.237 --> 00:42:25.768
Okay, right, she wouldn't, she'll be like boo.

00:42:25.768 --> 00:42:26.891
I'll see you when you get here.

00:42:26.891 --> 00:42:28.255
Yeah, she wouldn't, she would be like boo.

00:42:28.255 --> 00:42:28.918
I see you when you get here.

00:42:28.918 --> 00:42:31.565
Yes, she wouldn't want to come back here, especially not with Donald Trump in office.

00:42:31.565 --> 00:42:41.115
No, no, but all jokes aside, but no, seriously, she would not want to come back here, and so you know, I just choose to live.

00:42:41.885 --> 00:42:49.163
One thing I learned from my mom is my mom worked hard, cause, basically, she raised me like a single parent.

00:42:49.163 --> 00:42:55.577
I never wanted for anything, and my mom would always say, when I retire, I'm a live, I'm a live, I'm a live.

00:42:55.577 --> 00:42:57.909
And she retired and then got cancer.

00:42:57.909 --> 00:43:01.556
So one thing I learned from her is to live now.

00:43:01.556 --> 00:43:02.237
Now.

00:43:02.237 --> 00:43:06.469
Don't put off what you can do tomorrow.

00:43:06.469 --> 00:43:07.452
Live now.

00:43:07.952 --> 00:43:10.818
So every day I wake up, how can I make today count?

00:43:10.818 --> 00:43:13.063
My mom changed the world.

00:43:13.063 --> 00:43:21.755
Even to now, people still see me and they talk about encounters they had with my mom and how amazing she was and how nice she was.

00:43:21.755 --> 00:43:31.646
And when I leave here, I want my legacy to be that I gave it the best that I had and that I made my mark in the world.

00:43:31.646 --> 00:43:48.713
Because my mom made her mark and I never believed that God truly picks the prettiest and the best flowers until he took my mom, because I know without a shadow of a doubt that he got a good one when he got her 65, a good one.

00:43:48.713 --> 00:43:58.431
So that would be my advice to give to them to keep living, to get kanda with them, acknowledge how they're feeling, have those days that they need to have.

00:43:59.666 --> 00:44:07.358
And another thing that I would say is to never feel bad for laughing again.

00:44:07.358 --> 00:44:11.224
You deserve to laugh again.

00:44:11.224 --> 00:44:13.293
You deserve to love again.

00:44:13.293 --> 00:44:16.652
If you lose your spouse, you deserve to love again.

00:44:16.652 --> 00:44:19.914
You deserve to be a mom again.

00:44:19.914 --> 00:44:29.188
I can't wait till I meet the person that I'm supposed to be with and I can have a baby and I can tell that sweet little baby about my mama.

00:44:29.188 --> 00:44:34.021
I can't wait to share her stories and the love she gave me.

00:44:34.021 --> 00:44:43.045
And the best thing about it all is that I have witnessed and lived in the light of true love through my parents and my grandparents.

00:44:43.045 --> 00:44:54.125
I, even if I never get married, I know what unconditional love feels like, because God loved me so much to give me the most amazing parents and grandparents ever.

00:44:54.125 --> 00:44:57.972
So I want to give that to another child.

00:44:57.972 --> 00:45:01.514
So any other questions?

00:45:01.574 --> 00:45:05.264
yes, no, no, that's powerful.

00:45:05.264 --> 00:45:05.858
That was meant to be.

00:45:05.858 --> 00:45:06.947
Yes, because I'm telling you I was not telling this story.

00:45:06.947 --> 00:45:07.338
No, no, that's powerful.

00:45:07.338 --> 00:45:08.106
That was meant to be.

00:45:08.106 --> 00:45:08.192
That was meant to be.

00:45:08.385 --> 00:45:11.755
Yes, because I'm telling you I was not telling this story.

00:45:11.755 --> 00:45:21.244
I said the Lord did not tell me it was time, so the Lord must have nudged on Keisha to link us together, and it's just so organic how it happened.

00:45:21.664 --> 00:45:23.327
Absolutely, absolutely.

00:45:23.327 --> 00:45:31.858
As we close, if you could say one more thing to each of them, what would it be?

00:45:31.858 --> 00:45:32.960
Starting with your dad?

00:45:34.565 --> 00:45:35.710
To my dad.

00:45:35.710 --> 00:45:42.014
It would be you will always be my hero.

00:45:42.014 --> 00:45:49.974
I was never disappointed in you and I'm thankful that I got my strength from you.

00:45:49.974 --> 00:45:53.608
I'm thankful that I don't take it and mess up of anybody.

00:45:53.608 --> 00:46:02.492
I got that from you and I'm thankful that you laid the blueprint for me to be successful.

00:46:02.492 --> 00:46:09.373
My dad was military, so he was like get those degrees, get your money, don't let nobody walk over you.

00:46:09.373 --> 00:46:13.471
And my dad always told me never be afraid to dream big.

00:46:13.471 --> 00:46:15.795
That's what I would say to him.

00:46:16.317 --> 00:46:27.411
To my granny, I would say to her um, thank you for a making it mandatory that I go to the Virginia State University.

00:46:27.411 --> 00:46:30.474
I had to go on her footsteps.

00:46:30.474 --> 00:46:45.766
I would tell her thank you for your wisdom, thank you for showing me what the importance of education, the importance of being self-sufficient.

00:46:45.766 --> 00:46:52.510
And I would tell her thank you for always, always, always, letting me know how proud she was of me.

00:46:52.510 --> 00:46:59.291
I would tell my sweet baby that mommy wanted you so, so much, but God needed you more.

00:46:59.291 --> 00:47:17.358
I would tell my mom thank you for the sacrifices, thank you for fighting so hard to stay here with me, thank you for every tear you wiped, thank you for every fear you calmed.

00:47:17.358 --> 00:47:23.704
I would tell her thank you for being the example of a strong black woman.

00:47:23.704 --> 00:47:32.219
I would tell her thank you for always putting me first and putting herself second.

00:47:32.219 --> 00:47:41.907
And I would tell her thank you for loving me enough to simply hold on until she knew I was ready to truly let her go.

00:47:41.907 --> 00:47:45.034
And I would tell her cancer did not win.

00:47:45.034 --> 00:47:47.259
Cancer did not win.

00:47:49.804 --> 00:47:50.266
Cancer did not win.

00:47:50.266 --> 00:47:51.429
That's what I would tell her cancer did not win.

00:47:51.449 --> 00:47:52.713
Cancer did not win, absolutely cancer did not win.

00:47:52.713 --> 00:47:53.938
That's what I would tell them wow, you're an amazing person.

00:47:53.938 --> 00:47:54.378
I really thank you.

00:47:54.378 --> 00:47:55.081
You're welcome.

00:47:55.081 --> 00:48:08.130
I really appreciate you being on Chirante yes, yes, yes, um, thank you so much for sharing your story on let's Just Talk About it podcast.

00:48:08.130 --> 00:48:13.092
Yes, shout out to Keisha for connecting us together to make this happen.

00:48:13.092 --> 00:48:17.875
Yeah, any last things you want to say Absolutely Anything else you want to say.

00:48:18.755 --> 00:48:22.117
Thank you for this platform to allow people to tell their stories.

00:48:22.117 --> 00:48:24.478
You know, we have to be as a culture.

00:48:24.478 --> 00:48:35.003
We have to be as as a culture um, we have to be more open and if you're listening to this, you have to be more open to transparency.

00:48:35.003 --> 00:48:43.179
A lot of times we're conditioned to keep what happens in the house in the house, sweep it under the rug, not talk about our business.

00:48:43.179 --> 00:48:51.059
But transparency is important because a lot of times, the things that you're going through you're not going through for yourself.

00:48:51.059 --> 00:48:57.197
Pretty much 100% of the time, the things that you're going through are not for you, they're for somebody else.

00:48:57.197 --> 00:49:03.398
So if you never tell your testimony, there are so many people connected to your testimony that could be saved.

00:49:03.398 --> 00:49:14.992
So be okay with being transparent and remember this is the last thing I got to say it's okay to show your scars because that proves that you survived something.

00:49:18.887 --> 00:49:21.768
So y'all saw my scars today, but I survived it.

00:49:21.768 --> 00:49:22.469
Yes, you did.

00:49:22.610 --> 00:49:23.152
Incredible.

00:49:23.152 --> 00:49:26.056
Thank you so much, you're very welcome.

00:49:26.077 --> 00:49:30.150
Let's just talk about the podcast Appreciate you, you're very welcome, let's just talk about it.

00:49:30.150 --> 00:49:38.503
Podcast Appreciate you.

00:49:38.523 --> 00:49:38.804
You too.

00:49:38.804 --> 00:49:41.791
Wow, what an amazing conversation.

00:49:41.791 --> 00:49:53.135
Shout out to you, Charonta, for having this dialogue with me, and thank you for having the courage to share your journey of healing, to help us realize that we are not alone and that we, too, can go from tragedy to triumph.

00:49:53.135 --> 00:49:59.472
So we really appreciate you, and I also want to thank everyone for always tuning in to let's Just Talk About it podcast.

00:49:59.472 --> 00:50:04.170
So until next time, don't hold it in, but let's just talk about it.

00:50:04.170 --> 00:50:05.085
Talk to you soon.