(EP.68) The Story of Ashley Smith

Chuck: 0:10

Hey, welcome back to another episode of let's Just Talk About it podcast. I'm your host, chuck, and if you're here for the first time, this platform was created to give genuine people just like you an opportunity to share a portion of your life's journey. So, with that being said, I'm excited to have special guest Ashley Smith on with me today when she shares her experience growing up in Baltimore, maryland, to being incarcerated, and the challenges that women go through after being incarcerated. So you don't want to miss this conversation. As a matter of fact, do me a favor go and grab your husband, your wife, your children, or even call a friend and listen into my conversation with Ashley Smith on let's Just Talk About it podcast. Okay, let's jump right in. Welcome back to another episode of let's Just Talk About it podcast. Today, I have special guest Ashley Smith on with me. So, first of all, thank you, ashley, for being a part of this episode.

Ashley Smith: 1:11

Thank you for allowing me to be here. I'd like to appreciate it.

Chuck: 1:14

Absolutely. You're welcome, how you doing today.

Ashley Smith: 1:17

I'm actually doing good. I'm doing better than I have been, so that's good. Got, you got you, ms Ashley.

Chuck: 1:23

I love to jump right into my interviews to have those genuine conversations with genuine people just like yourself, this shared portion of your life journeys, because I believe everybody has their own unique story, you know. Some are good and some are not so good, you know. But we all go through challenges to get to where we are. So I love to jump right in just to hear you share a portion of your journey. So, first of all, where are you from?

Ashley Smith: 1:46

I'm from Baltimore, Maryland.

Chuck: 1:48

I'm from Baltimore.

Ashley Smith: 1:49

How about the?

Chuck: 1:50

Baltimore. Okay Is Ashley. How was it for you growing up in Baltimore?

Ashley Smith: 1:55

Actually, I had a good experience growing up in Baltimore and the reason why I say that is because my mom made sure that we served in good environment in Baltimore and not just anywhere that was convenient for her. So because of that I was able to experience city life, county life, Got you and basically just a depth of different people.

Chuck: 2:16

So take me to Baltimore. Like you said, you lived in different sections. What's the environment like?

Ashley Smith: 2:21

It definitely depends on which part.

Chuck: 2:23

Which part I got you.

Ashley Smith: 2:24

Yeah, it definitely depends on which part. The same way you have your bad parts of Baltimore, which are highly publicized, you have your good parts as well and because, like I told you, I got to experience both of them, I got to experience the part they took on the news with the killing shooting and this person missing. But I also got to experience the historic part of it, which is left out a lot.

Chuck: 2:47

Got you. So how was it for you? Like we come to an age and we feel like we grown we 18. So what was that like for you when you finally felt like you were free from up under your mother's roof.

Ashley Smith: 2:58

Well, actually I moved out early because I had met my daughter's father.

Chuck: 3:02

We was at my young step. How are you who?

Ashley Smith: 3:04

ended up passing away. I was like 17.

Chuck: 3:07

Got you.

Ashley Smith: 3:08

Yeah, definitely.

Chuck: 3:09

Wow, you said you moved out with your baby's father. He ended up passing away.

Ashley Smith: 3:13

Yes.

Chuck: 3:14

Wow, so you were 17 years old. So how was that being a young mother and experience the baby's father go through a death?

Ashley Smith: 3:23

By the time he passed away, I was 21.

Chuck: 3:25

He was 23. Ok.

Ashley Smith: 3:26

And it was more so the way he passed away. They bothered me.

Chuck: 3:30

Wow.

Ashley Smith: 3:31

Because we had been through it. And when I say been through it, of course we had the little honey in the face. But, then it was the struggle part of it, and that was any and everything from the street life to the female. So once we got past that part, of course we had the parts where I was about to leave. But when he saw that OK, she really a good woman, she bought the leave, He'd be like I need to tighten up. He was doing that Like he had got a job. Now, this is somebody who was selling drugs forever and he decided to really use that potential and use it towards something else. So he was building his own business and everything Wow. And then he just so happily got killed by a senseless situation. Really it could have been a walk away situation, but the guy couldn't take a loss and he took the man that had proposed to me three days before he passed away. So it was definitely a lot.

Chuck: 4:18

Yeah, that affected you mentally then.

Ashley Smith: 4:21

Yeah, yeah, that had to be traumatic. It definitely was, which actually led to what happened after the pic. You know what I mean my whole incarceration period. That's what led to it, because I kind of went on autopilot without realizing it and my mind state wasn't right, like I had the mind state like, as long as my daughter good, I'm good.

Chuck: 4:43

And.

Ashley Smith: 4:43

I was carrying it as such, and all reality. She could never be good unless I was good, and I laid her own soul there.

Chuck: 4:49

Got you. You definitely from Baltimore. I hear the accent.

Ashley Smith: 4:53

Yeah, yeah, I just started being able to hear it myself.

Chuck: 4:58

And that's what's getting away from Baltimore a little bit. Ok, I was like OK. You can hear it now. Yeah, yeah, you mentioned incarceration. Talk about that, because I've been incarcerated, but you rarely hear a woman talk about her incarceration. So what happened that led up to that point?

Ashley Smith: 5:15

Well, we're led up to that point. Like I said, I was kind of on autopilot and so the job that I was working at before he passed away, we were working that together. So I couldn't go back there, but I still had to keep up a lifestyle and I basically started living like this little double life type of situation and it was working for me, for me, got you and I had, you know like, literally mom during the day and then being a hustler at night. I'm part of it making sure that I still made that same money that I was making before. So I got somebody that was already selling drugs to sell drugs for me and I told him like, look, I was platter product and you sell it and was split at 50 50. It's going good for six months until one day I came to pick up the money he was taking sporadic, crazy. I didn't know until later on that he was using the drugs and he tried to attack me. So before he could be successful, I made sure that I was got you know sorry. Sure, he definitely got hurt. It was an in tip them murder at first. They got dropped down to like arm car jacking, theft over 100,000 and a bunch of other charges that got trumped up. I actually got incarcerated for not knowing the same thing that many women don't know which is that Merlin doesn't have a self-defense law. Wow, so Because of the fact that I was defending myself and the fact that Merlin doesn't look at it that way, they incarcerated me for wow, you said self-defense law.

Chuck: 6:41

Yes, speak about that. What is that?

Ashley Smith: 6:43

The self-defense law is basically okay If you're protecting yourself and it shows that it's not premeditated, then in a court of law you won't be held accountable for whatever actions came from you defending yourself. However, because Merlin doesn't have, one whatever you do, your charge for yeah wow, just get charged.

Chuck: 7:00

no fight, no nothing, you did it.

Ashley Smith: 7:02

You did it. You getting charged for? Yeah, wow, I did time for that. I got 20 or suspended but eight, and then I had a gun charge. Yeah, so that gave me a mandatory five, no matter what wow, you ended up doing eight years. I did six.

Chuck: 7:18

Okay, okay.

Ashley Smith: 7:19

I did six because after the five I was able to get out on a modification.

Chuck: 7:24

Got you, got you a day is enough. Yeah, so being a female in the prison system because you never know who's listening and who feels like you know, I'm a hustle, I'm gonna get out there and I'm a grind, I'm gonna do something Nobody ever done. Talk about that system and talk about a little bit about your experience there.

Ashley Smith: 7:48

It was definitely definitely a learning experience. In good ways and bad right, because it's a lot of good people right, so like you really get to put your head together with other people and come up with some amazing stuff.

Chuck: 8:01

Absolutely.

Ashley Smith: 8:02

And then absolutely just got a pick and choose what you're gonna do. The main thing that really gave me the problems wasn't even the inmates, it was more so the CO's. First you got to deal with the men and for women's person like. It's a completely different experience. Okay now your target, but not from the people that you think you're a target from, from the people that are overwatching. Know what I mean? Yeah, so you got the men harassing and you damned if you do and you damned if you don't. And what I mean by that is you have females that actually slept with the God got you and they didn't have a good experience in prison. And then you have females like me, who you know I'm a little mouthy, especially in there, because I wasn't in a good place anywhere and most people to be in prison like yourself, no, they can turn you into a whole different person. Go ahead and catch yourself Right so like they would be disrespectful to me. Of course I'm going off the top of the dome. And the next thing you don't want segregation With no reason why yeah you know, I mean okay. Well, that was right, you're like mm-hmm. But then you got the women who do stuff like make a curvy woman like me with three Exes when it comes to uniform. Got you to the point where I can't even walk. I'm tripping over. Yeah exactly, and it was really ridiculous, honestly, which is why I'm in the field that I'm in down. I mean there needs to be a lot of changes be and a lot more women that come home need to start speaking up, because by venturing off into this field I realized it's not enough women. That's why nobody ever knows our side of it, but that's also because we are the real head of household and I don't mean to say that, like the men are not, they're not needed and stuff like that, because they definitely are. You're the muscle, you the person that get it done. Got you, but we do the plan and then plotting and securing. So, with that being said, a lot of women don't talk about it because they either embarrassed by or they didn't move past it, don't want to bring it up, but we get shamed for going to prison. Hmm, but for men is regular.

Chuck: 10:05

Yeah, it's like a crowd weird.

Ashley Smith: 10:06

Like it should be acceptable for either one. Right and if you feel like it's you posting reasons for men to end up going to jail, then you gotta seem. The same thing from the woman you got us in. The same thing. Everybody's just one bad mistake away.

Chuck: 10:19

Yeah, wow. So you come home, you get out. In what year?

Ashley Smith: 10:23

I got all that shit.

Chuck: 10:25

Okay, shout out to you, Wow, wow. You hit the ground running and, having looked back, yeah. So when you came home, how was that for you? What did you get into? Like you know, how was your start? Cuz some people use it's hard, you know, especially if you don't have any family, don't have any money, no way to go. So how was your start after your release?

Ashley Smith: 10:47

I mean a good thing is that I do have family who have been very Supportive, like of the whole thing, my whole transition they've been there for so I greatly appreciate them. Shout out to the family.

Chuck: 10:59

Absolutely number one.

Ashley Smith: 11:00

Absolutely. Number two is the fact that I told you that I got a modification, but the modification was the 8505. So, I got sent to a drug rehabilitation program because when you in there, you gonna do whatever you gotta do. So whether you do drugs or you don't go on, if that's the way for you to get out and start your life sooner, you're gonna do so. So I did that and within doing that, I had ran into, of course, people that were trying to help me, but then I ran into people who didn't want to see me succeed, which I didn't understand. Because you are asking for this type of person. You want this thing when somebody's coming home, you want them to prove themselves that they're ready to be in society, right, okay? So why, when you have somebody that is doing that willingly, you are not supporting them? And it mainly came from the women and the program that I was in. So, instead of them again, see me succeed, they were looking for things to see me not succeed over. For example, like they were going through my email, which was something they weren't allowed to do. Wow, I called them because it was a brand new email that I just made and it was on a computer that I never used, and that was a situation. So somehow I was able to obtain proof of that and, amongst other things that they were doing, they were corrupt, which again I'm used to from the system. I was like, okay, you know what, it's time to fight back, like people can't keep getting away with this. So I was like you know what I'm gonna sue now, just so, happily, we had our conversations in front of each other because that was how the program was run. Well, it was you Heard and taken back to them that that was what was gonna happen and consider an effect, that I was so Thero with any things that they needed me to do. Right, they knew that I was capable of it, so they wanted to find ways to handle me. So they would search my room. I felt like I was in prison again. Basically, like that's really what I felt like, instead of it being like a medium between Prison and the outside world, it was like I was still there and it was nothing I could do about it, because my freedom was in their hands and they do so. They headed to where I was pulled up and searched for no reason, going through my mail, my incoming mail it was. It was really bad. So when they couldn't find that, couldn't find phones, couldn't find anything, that was breaking the rules, oh, they was like okay, like we have to find a way to get her because she's about to leave right now I had just talked to my daughter. Prior to I had literally had like a few days left. Yeah and my daughter was so excited that she was counting down. So I remember calling her and she was like, yeah, mom, we got four days, mommy, like four days, and she was so happy Planning a cookout. It was the perfect time again. Everything was great. I was like, okay, mind you, I did my part. So I just knew I was leaving. Well, one day they pulled me up this month like I knew they were just looking for, just looking for. Mind you, I had never been Drug tested as much within that time frame, that one month time frame of me about to leave. Yeah, then I had been the whole time I have been there. So my dream was, like, to this day three, this day one here, one thing. And I was like okay, like come on now, enough is enough. Like stop, I'm not using a little did they know I didn't use the drugs that they thought that I hate anyway, mm-hmm. So they Come to me four days before I'm leaving and they tell me that I can't leave and that it's the lady representing my judge On a computer screen just waiting to talk to me. So my test is pounding. I'm like, oh my god, I might go back to jail. I'm about to do the rest of my backup time. Like, oh my gosh, like I'm so close, I can't believe it. Mind you, that was like the story of my life. It's an effect that even in my case, the guy that I did hurt, who did what he did to Caught me to react that way. He even came to speak on my behalf, yeah, and the state's attorney didn't even let him speak. She said him down and it wasn't to. The judge was about to bang the gavel that he got up and spoke on my behalf and I still got the time that I got. So for somebody that I just outright hurt, it's no way that he would just speak on my own, you have yeah. So fast forward back to where I was and they had pulled me up and they had told me that two of my your Analysis had came back. One said that I was clean and one said that I had code in in my system which is a drug that I've never done and never even told them that I had done. Right. So I'm like wow, like holding of all things. So then they're creating these scenarios of how I could have gotten it. If that was the case, then why wouldn't I have gotten at least a drug that I told you that I did, but a completely random one? This still comes up like that doesn't make sense. But on top of that, a part of their program and based off of the you know the lot that I told about the drugs that I did, they have put me on Suboxone that I was not allowed to get off of until I left you yeah, so with me being on that Mm-hmm. I'm just trying to figure out, like, first of all, two things are supposed to happen I'm supposed to not feel anything, and or I'm supposed to go into Immediate withdrawal or precipitated withdrawal when mixing certain things. So if I had a witness withdrawal, of course they would have noticed, because part of the program was daily groups throughout the day. So there was no change in that. And then also on medication that you all give me, I take in front of you and you double check behind me. So, with that being said, it was no possible way. So, and then, on top of that, the two tests, just so happily, were on the same day. So you're trying to tell me that you got one test to say one thing, another says to say something else, and you didn't pull Me up within a timely time frame so that I could defend myself, or either way, it had to be a tiebreaker Whether I was dirty or clean right they waited two weeks to pull me up about this situation. So when I brought it up to them, they were like well, you know, we're here now. This is what it is. I'm like okay, so nobody suck my protocol. How does supposed to go? Why I wasn't in deals, try to get Nothing. So, long story short, I had to stay in additional 30 days, which wasn't only a pain to me, but it was a pain in my daughter. Yeah, I was. That was number one because, from being in prison for six years, you know how many times I had to tell her like I can't call, I can't stay on the phone for long. I told her I was coming or calling and I couldn't because the ticket shut down for whatever reason. So it was just like another let down which didn't need to happen, right? So when that happened, I had to tell people that were willing to help me with the situation was well. One of those people was a lady who was not only supposed to mentor me, but I was supposed to go to our house upon release from the program. I tell her she's like okay, I can still come. I do the 30 days. I'm about to give a release on a program. Five days before that she tells me that she doesn't think it's a good idea and down I need to go somewhere else. To an extent I get it, but then I don't. I don't get it because you've had a conversation with my ex-women's tour and you know the reason I'm here and you should know that. But statistically, people will believe the rehab over the person that's in the rehab regardless. So then they make you want to fight back on them because, okay, with this situation being my situation, how many people have you sent back for the wrong reasons? that are suffering or their families are suffering from it. Wow, and y'all are not even thinking about that. But then, on top of that, that's branding them like. Now they have a name for themselves and it's just like another lot, like it was a lot. So when I finally do get out, I'm in a sober living house because I didn't have anywhere to go. The judge created Stipulations for me to finish a two months in a sober living house before I could go home, so that was additional time before I could see my daughter. So I'm trying to make the best of everything, because I know that home is where you make it and this is gonna be my home for two months. So I'm doing the things I have to do. I'm barely there. A week after I got out, I was able to really maintain that and I was there like every day. Like once they saw my work ethic, I was there and that's when I started working at the rehab without table in a second. So I'm working, I'm doing everything I'm supposed to do. I'm going to get important files that I need. I'm getting all the stuff that I need and they telling me that you know, like you know, monday You're gonna start going by the rules here. These are the rules. Explanacy is something like okay, cool. Mind you, the only thing that I've realized that I have to change is the fact that if you're sending people To get these things and expect them to do certain things, you also have to provide a way. Right, because you gotta remember, like you said, is some people come home to don't have family support. So they're completely starting from ground zero. So you everybody knows you need money to make money. So you have to give them some type of start. If you're gonna send them places whether it's bus tokens, bus passes, uber rides, anything like give them away to it. That way you can literally say, okay, it wasn't done because you didn't put in that right and there's a lot of reasons why people end up going back. Hmm, so I got seven meetings a week to make, on top of working I found the on top of IOP, on top of going to see my probation officer. Now, my probation officer is actually the least of everything because I only had to see her once, but with everything it became a lot. Then I have doctor's appointments and everything else. So I'm like how am I going to balance this? So I was able to find a way to balance it. People were pitching in helping me, really supporting me, and I was just glad because, even though I went through everything I went through at the program, I was able to still gain what I was planning on gaining by getting there, which was a new network, change people, places and things. So I'm at work every day, everything like that. A friend of mine who supported me when I was incarcerated the whole six years was like hey, you know, like I can't necessarily give you money right now. I can't afford it. I have a family. However, when I'm off or when I get off early, I can come and pick you up, and I can either pick you up or take you or bring you back from work. It was easier for me to get a ride to work. So I asked him to bring me back from work. He did so. It was a night in particular that the other ladies from the house were out and about and they saw him. Now, mind you, I go in the house. One of the girls come out to I do not know what her intention was, but she was speaking to him and he said he spoke but he didn't indulge. He saw the look on her face. He walked away. I said, oh, it probably wasn't a problem, it is what it is. The next day I'm getting pulled up about it. So when I get pulled up she was like hey, you know, like um, some of the girls were feeling uncomfortable because it was a big black guy in the yard. I was so confused Like, first of all, in the yard sounds weird. He wasn't lurking in bushes, he wasn't behind trees, he was in a car out in the open where you could see everything that was going on. So because it's a black guy that you don't know or that you're not comfortable with, it's a problem. So I let her know like this is the way that I'm getting back and forth to work sometimes, and it's also the way that I'm getting to the seven meetings that you're asking me to do so, with that being said, like it's hard for you to say who can come here and who can't. Meanwhile, it's a wreck in there that I haven't spoken about up until this situation. So you got people OD-ing, bringing drugs in not coming in a house, coming in a house late, and later on I found out that she herself, as a house manager, was buying pills. So now wonder why certain things were getting by. But that wasn't, yeah, ok. So later on, a scenario comes up because one of the ladies there that had a car was taking me to work, I would leave my bag in the back of her car and I would go in the house because I couldn't leave my purse certain places. Long story short, money comes up missing. I say something to her about it. That was that. Now, mind you, me being where I just came from and the whole scenario period where I'm from, I would have been justified to do whatever. But being a mom and thinking about that first and then thinking about changing my life, I'm like you know what? I'm not even going to go there with her. That's the loss that I'm going to take. That's something I'm going to have to dress at a later day. It's time to pick and choose my battles, something that I would not have done years ago. This lady goes to them, says whatever. She pulls me up two days prior. So she's like hey, you know, we're going to have to discharge you. I have your discharge papers here and, yeah, I'm going to need you to pack up. So I asked her. I said, why, for what reason? So she was like, yeah, well, you know, it's just too much going on lately, all these other things. And I'm like, oh, this is crazy. So she was like, yeah, we don't feel comfortable, so you're going to have to leave. I called the guy that is in charge of the house. He doesn't know anything about it. I end up staying. Well, I ended up being late for, like, my second time, and one of the rules for you can't be late unless it's due to work. Well, that situation was due to work. The job that I had picked up was a job at a luxury rehab facility. They were, you know, a little extra, so they had iPhones for the staff. I accidentally take the iPhone home because it looks like the iPhone that I had. I had both of them. I have to take them back. I take it back. I come to work. I have all the proof of my phone. I even asked my boss, which was something that I didn't want to do, because she had already accepted the fact that I just came home and what the situation was. But then I'm telling her that the house manager of the sober house that I'm living in, by the way, might need to talk to you to verify that it was actually related. So when I get there or whatever, she's waiting, just waiting, like posted up, and she has papers. So I'm like what's the problem? So she was like yeah, you know, I just got to let you know you can't stay here anymore. Like this is too much, you're late now. That's a deal breaker. I'm like what's the deal breaker? You said that if it was work related, and I just gave her the spiel that I gave you. So she was like yeah, but it's just too many things. I said but I have the proof, you can call my boss. She was like yeah, but no, we can't. I said you know what? I can see where this is going. I'm not about the bag to be here, I'm going to go ahead and pack up my stuff. In the middle of packing up my stuff, I think about the fact that I'm mandated to be somewhere. I'm like, okay, now I could go to my family's house, but I really need to think about the fact that I need to find me somewhere to go. Right now there's sober house ladies. So I'm like, what can I do? So I'm calling around because I'm thinking harder and harder and harder and my head is clear, because I'm no longer mad and I'm like, oh, like I really have to find somewhere to go, because I'm going to go back to jail if I now don't complete two months of a sober living. So I'm calling around for like two hours. I'm calling everybody I know, mentors included, and I finally get a hold of somebody and it's another form of a sober living house. So she's telling me like, yeah, they have availabilities, they just lost people. They're trying to get the house back on track. It's perfect. I moved there into another problem. But before I leave, when I'm leaving, I'm asking her for my discharge papers, because I know that I got to have verification for everything. Now, even though she came to me saying that she had them in the beginning, she never even gave them to me. She told me that she didn't have them. But she has a copy of the rules that I signed. Why would I need that? So I leave without real discharge papers and go to the other place. When I go there, everything was okay again in another situation where it was like I was minority, but I felt comfortable because it was another black woman there. So I asked her how it was and she said she had just came the day before me. So I'm like, okay, well, at least maybe they're not racist because they knew that she was black, allowed her to come and then let me to come. And it was even said that that was the way that I had to think. So I get there, everything's cool, but that's what I expect. So I let it go on for like a day or two. The second day I saw a sign of something, because I caught the other people talking about the girl that I had met. So I'm like, okay, that's a sign. So I'm talking to her on the back porch. She was talking about decorating and putting things up because she had two kids and she was saying that she had to change the basement from looking how it looked to be suitable for them. So I said I get that, but let's not put so much into it, because and I let her know next day she was getting pissed tests and it was because a girl that was my roommate had told a lot on her and got her pee. So it was like, ok, that was a myth, you know, for me. Well, later on, she later told them that I had came in late from work. Mind you, that is a job where you have to be relieved. I let them know that and they were like, yeah, in the beginning, because there was a problem before. And she still said, yeah, no, it's not a problem, but we do have to pee, because anytime you're late we need to know where you are Pee and me is not going to tell you where I've been. But OK, I pee for her. I'm good, everything is OK. You know, we never really thought don't worry about it, I'm going downstairs, I go to sleep. I just make another myth note that she cannot be trusted. I end up getting put out of there because they said that they smelled weed, literally. And this is after days of everything and I'm just like this cannot be. Now, mind you, in the middle of that a lot did go on. It was a lot of, he say. She said it was just a bunch of miscellaneous anything and I handled it effectively. But I've always been somebody to speak my mind and they didn't like that. So because of that, they found a way. Since I've been out, I've literally been doing everything I'm supposed to do in prostitution. So I'm trying to, when it's all down to my accord. So I'm just trying to figure out how. You know now that it's on my own I'm good, but when I'm in these institutions it's such a problem. Since I've been home, I've been gained three lawsuits that I'm in the process of filing one between the institutions that I got into when I first got out. The other one is against somebody that I was supposed to be getting an apartment from that I'm now homeless because of, as of right now like me talking to you right now, like the reality is, I am technically homeless Due to no fault of me. I cannot even say that I haven't been stressed out because I have been Got you, but I know that like I'm so close, I'm so close and I know that I just have to keep going. But it's just hard to prepare. Like if you've prepared for your part, you know you do everything on your part so that you know that you're good and something still fails, then it really stops. Because, it's like it's not because I'm procrastinated or I didn't pay, it's literally because of someone else. The apartment situation terrible. I left a good place and I only left there because I needed additional space so that I could bring my daughter. But I got there and it was completely infested. Nothing like she said it was, and the only reason why I didn't know is because even when she showed me the place, the guy was still there. His stuff was still there. It was bad, it was infested, it was coughed up, everything.

Chuck: 30:26

Let me ask you this so what would you say to a young lady that you see going in the direction you went in, but they're going in it. What would you say to them to keep them from going in that direction?

Ashley Smith: 30:38

Number one pick and choose your battles wisely. That's number one. Number two the only person you can truly depend on is yourself. And number three is to play it out. Whatever it is that you're thinking about doing, whether it be good or bad, positive or negative, think it out all the way through. Got you Wow.

Chuck: 31:00

So you are a drug and mental health counselor.

Ashley Smith: 31:04

Yes.

Chuck: 31:05

So talk about that. You know, this whole thing about mental health is a big issue right now. You know what? I mean you have fentanyl. People are overdosing. How do you deal with that from day to day? You see a lot of that, right?

Ashley Smith: 31:17

Yeah, I do, I definitely do, yeah, and it's definitely a lot and because I have a connection to it and my connection to it is like when I did lose my daughter's father and, like I said, that was my first time even starting to believe in mental health and it's sad to say, but I wasn't raised like that, like I was raised to be literally a strong black woman the same way, black men are taught to be black men and we don't express it. So I've been depressed before. I've thought about suicide before. So seeing other people go through that or be mentally challenged to where you're aware but you're just in a stuck place, is draining for me. You know, what I mean, but at the same time, I know how majority of institutions are, so it makes me feel good to be able to stay to like I'm a part of being able to change people yeah by the solution?

Chuck: 32:11

Yeah, man, I should ask you this we hear a lot about suicide and I want to get your thoughts, because you mentioned suicide, right? Yeah, so what was that moment like for you at that time in your mind that you said I want to commit suicide, or even gave it thought that you felt like that. Talk about that, you know, because again, you never know who's listening, who's going through that same thing. So how did you feel at that time?

Ashley Smith: 32:34

I felt alone. That's like the main thing just alone, like by myself, and just no light at the end of the tunnel.

Chuck: 32:42

It's not going to happen, it's not going to work.

Ashley Smith: 32:44

Yeah, like I'm, like I can't see a future after me doing this amount of time and by me being so young and now that I'm about to be 30. Next, month. I can kind of laugh at it only because I made it through. But what if I did go through with that? Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, like it's so many people that we walk by every day that are borderline. Yeah, and that's why you know how are you doing, or you know compliments. They go a long way further than we think.

Chuck: 33:15

Yeah, smile. How are you doing today?

Ashley Smith: 33:17

Recognition, yeah, just recognition.

Chuck: 33:19

Right, and I always ask people, like, if I know them, like, how is your mind? How is your mind Not, how are you doing, how?

Ashley Smith: 33:26

is your mind?

Chuck: 33:27

You know what I mean. Because we get, like you say, we look good on the outside, we can go to work, we can be functional dysfunction. You know what I'm saying. Like we can function, but we are dysfunction on the inside in our mind. So I definitely agree. Wow, so you see that all the time.

Ashley Smith: 33:45

Yeah, wow, unfortunately yeah.

Chuck: 33:48

Wow, how does a counselor who has her own issues help somebody else with theirs? Is it because you can sympathize with it? You know, you understand.

Ashley Smith: 33:58

It's always multiple reasons for certain things that I do, because that's the only way that I get that full gratification that I need. But, the main reason, not only that I understand, but that I want to help. Like it's a good feeling when, like you got to make the realization that you're not going to be able to help everybody, right, but when you do change somebody and they'll let you know, you'll be able to tell. When you change something for somebody or they see the good in people again, their reaction is like heart warming.

Chuck: 34:28

Got you, somebody cares?

Ashley Smith: 34:29

Seriously, yeah, and it makes it worth it Like literally more worth it than your paycheck. And some people like no, she, is that no like for real, because I don't get paid enough, to be honest.

Chuck: 34:41

Yeah, so, yeah, it's a lot of work. Yeah, it's a lot of work. Two quick questions. Now I'm going to let you go because I know you're busy. So what would you say to your younger self? I love the answers question. What would you say to your younger self, ashley, if you could go back to talk to the 15-year-old Ashley to prepare for right now?

Ashley Smith: 34:59

It's three things I would say. The first thing that I would say is to put yourself first. That's my main thing, because I got a big problem with putting other people first.

Chuck: 35:07

Lawyer to a fault and I put myself in a big burn.

Ashley Smith: 35:10

And then number two is follow my dreams and I realized that the reason why God took my daughter's father away is because I would have put him first fell into his shadow and I would have put my dreams on hold and I would have never reached my full potential.

Chuck: 35:25

Got you.

Ashley Smith: 35:26

And that's just what it is. And then the third thing would be that you got to make sure that you're picking your people, places and things wise Right right. Because if people aren't adding to your life, then they are definitely taken away, and not just monetarily, but your energy and your peace is the only two things that it will keep you on and people definitely take that.

Chuck: 35:51

All right, last one, last one. We've all made mistakes. I made mine, but what do you want people to know about Ashley Smith today?

Ashley Smith: 35:59

I want them to know that I'm coming. That's the main thing.

Chuck: 36:02

Like I'm coming, it ain't over. I'm coming.

Ashley Smith: 36:04

It ain't over For real.

Chuck: 36:07

Got you.

Ashley Smith: 36:08

Definitely.

Chuck: 36:09

There's a lot more.

Ashley Smith: 36:10

There's a lot more to come.

Chuck: 36:11

Right, right, you just got to climb that hill right now to get to the top. Yeah, climbing the hill I'm still technically down right now. Yeah.

Ashley Smith: 36:18

But my spirit's up, yeah, that's good. So yeah, I'm coming.

Chuck: 36:21

Yeah, that's good enough. Your spirits are up. You can keep going, Keep climbing, keep climbing. So shout out to you Proud of you. You made it out of the system and I know sometimes people don't understand what you got to go through when you're in there and when you come home. You know what I'm saying. There's still challenges you got to face in life. So glad that you made it out. I'm glad that you're still moving forward and you're helping people with their mental health and their addiction. So you're doing a lot.

Ashley Smith: 36:48

And you're a mother. Yeah, that's amazing. Yeah, you're a mother. I like it to do that again. Yeah, oh my God, so much has changed. Yes, definitely.

Chuck: 36:59

And you're a mother, so, yeah, I know you have so much more you can share. I know you're busy, so I really appreciate you being on. Let's just talk about it. The podcast, ms Ashley Smith.

Ashley Smith: 37:10

Yes.

Chuck: 37:11

Yeah.

Ashley Smith: 37:11

Definitely. Thank you so much.

Chuck: 37:13

Absolutely, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed the conversation. Is there anybody you want to give a shout out to before we go?

Ashley Smith: 37:19

Yes, absolutely, my family and my mentors Thank my mentor, mr Alexander.

Chuck: 37:26

Shout out to Alexander yeah.

Ashley Smith: 37:28

And Mr Ray, and I want to thank my mom, Geraldine my brother Carmen, my brothers Chris and Khalil For this damn awesome core system. You know, I got to shout out to Daddy because he don't want to make me a hustler.

Chuck: 37:40

Got you.

Ashley Smith: 37:41

And shout out to you too, because you made it home first.

Chuck: 37:45

Appreciate that. Yes, yes. So, ms Ashley, if people want to read you, how would they get in contact with you? Do you have any social media?

Ashley Smith: 37:52

Yeah, actually I do. I have Instagram and my Instagram is reestablished. Marie, just make the ED to establish and my TikTok is underscore AMS, underscore studios.

Chuck: 38:09

Got you. Got you Again. Thank you so much, ashley, for being a part of. Let's Just Talk About it. Talk to you soon.

Ashley Smith: 38:15

All right.

Chuck: 38:19

Wow, what an amazing conversation. Shout out to my friend, ashley, for having this dialogue with me. You know, one of the things that really stuck out to me amongst many other things, it's her unwillingness to give up, despite the challenges that she faced after incarceration. And that may be one who's going through the same challenges, but after listening to Ashley's story, you now realize that you're not alone and that you too can make it through. Just keep climbing, because there's a top on every mountain, as always. Thank you so much for tuning in to let's Just Talk About it podcast and please check out my website. Just Google Let'sJustTalkAboutItPodcastcom and then hit that subscribe button to receive all the new episodes every Friday. You can also find me on Facebook. Just type in Chuck LJTAI, which means let's Just Talk About it. So, as always, until next time, don't hold it in, but let's just talk about it. Talk to you soon. Get down on your own quick, easy path.