Transcript
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Hey, welcome back to another episode of Lets Just Talk About it podcast.
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I'm your host, chuck, and if you're here for the first time, this platform was created to give genuine people just like you an opportunity to share a portion of your life's journey.
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So, with that being said, today I have Jakeil Gilchrist on with me today, sharing a part of her journey growing up in the city of Portsmouth, Virginia, and also her passion as a mental health therapist to see men and women, boys and girls, get to a place of mental well-being.
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So, hey, you don't want to miss this amazing conversation today.
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As a matter of fact, do me a favor go and grab your husband, your wife, your children, or even call a friend and gather around to listen to my conversation with Jakeil on let's Just Talk About it podcast.
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Hey, let's jump right in.
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Welcome back to another episode of Lets Just Talk About it podcast.
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Today I have Jakeil Gilchrist on with me today.
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How's it going, Jakeil?
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It's going good.
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How are you doing, Chuck?
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Doing good, thank you.
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Thank you, jakeil.
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I love to jump right into my interviews to have those genuine conversations with genuine people just like yourself, and I love to start with this question when are you from?
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So I'm from Virginia, but I'm actually from South Norfolk, virginia, which is just basically Chesapeake.
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So I spent 11 years of my life in South Norfolk and then, when I turned 11, we actually moved to Portsmouth P-Town yeah, that's how I feel about it too so got good roots, so yeah.
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So, um, basically now, though, I'm located in Newport News and I just love Virginia.
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I love Virginia, it's home okay, let's go back.
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So how was it for you growing up in those two cities?
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okay, so I'm gonna be honest with you.
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So, chuck, I'm a 90s baby, so I was born December the 18th 1990.
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Right when I was first born, my father he actually was a drug dealer, so he went to jail when I was two years old.
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And so South Norfolk at the time, you know it's back in the 90s and it's like the peak of the crack epidemic.
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I don't know if anybody knows about that, but the crack epidemic was a time where, you know, it was from the 80s to like the maybe mid 90s, where people or early 90s where people were drug dealers, and then you know, there was a rise of people utilizing crack which left kids abandoned.
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So that could be such as from a standpoint of parents going to jail, whether they were selling or utilizing drugs.
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Um, I grew up by a teen parent her, my mom, was the goat, my dad was also the goat in a blended family.
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So in south norfolk in my early years, if I'm being honest with you, my parents and my grandparents had just became saved, so I had a good foundation in the church.
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Um, you know, growing up, but I will say it wasn't until I went to high school and grew up in Portsmouth that I became more into myself.
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I don't know if that makes sense, so I have a good foundation.
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I will say that South Norfolk and Portsmouth taught me how to be humble.
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Yeah, a humble beginner.
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This is what I'm going to say.
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I'm going to say, you know, I have working parents who, you know, strive for better.
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We would go and visit my father while he was locked up because he did a 15 year prison, being so a lot of the times we looking at going to go see him in Memphis and things of that nature.
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In the meantime, my parents, my stepdad and my mom I call my stepdad my real father they were holding it down and we were just trying to adjust.
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So I have very young parents.
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I grew up in a very good household.
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You know, while some kids was listening to the Isley Brothers on Sunday mornings, I was listening to Biggie Smalls and Tupac, because I had young parents.
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Okay, you're a hip hop baby.
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I'm a hip hop baby.
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Yes.
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So I had a good foundation, chuck.
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Wow, amazing you, a hip-hop baby.
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That's dope.
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I am a hip-hop baby, I mean, like mary j blige, real love.
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Yeah, I, I know all mary j blige because, like I said, my mom was born in 1975, so you know like.
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So I had that type of situation Wu-Tang Clan, I grew up like listening to real hip-hop music and kind of like, you know, understanding.
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It's weird, because I understand the church world because that's where I grew up at, but I also understand hustling and you know that mentality as well, because it was like you know, that's my background with my father being locked up, but then my grandfather is a co-pastor at our church.
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So it's weird, but it gave me a really good, solid foundation.
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So you can identify with both sides.
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I can, and I think that's the reason why I chose the world of mental health because I understand, like, why people do what they do sometimes, which maybe is, if you can understand this from the standpoint of mental health and from the standpoint of being a believer Right, people do what they do because they don't know better means Right.
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So you can show people grace because think about it like this If I know that you have a mental health deficit of some sort whether it's bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, ptsd, a lot of black men growing up in, like you know, lower income places they have PTSD I can show you grace.
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But, just the same, if I know that you don't know God like that, or if you sin a lot and it comes with a lot of shame, such as we all have, I can show you grace.
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So growing up in those sectors have really helped me to identify with people.
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Growing up in the church and growing up seeing certain things that I saw, like visiting my father in penitentiary taught me, like, what depression looks like in masculinity.
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Talk about that.
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Hold up, you talking.
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Good, talk about that.
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What depression looks like in masculinity.
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Yes, so you know, you take a black man who, you know, grew up in the 70s.
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My dad was born in 1971.
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I do want to say this my dad has passed away, you know.
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So he was born in 1971.
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1971, his father was not there because he was an alcoholic.
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Now let me backtrack some.
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Right then, my father's father was not there because he chose to be absent, right.
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So you have my grandfather, who's coping with the absent father.
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Right, he's coping with alcoholism.
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Then you have my dad, who has to suffer because his dad isn't there.
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Um, who is coping with fast money, and all of this is to gain acceptance.
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You see what I'm saying?
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Um, because think about it, if my mom is a single parent in the 70s this is right after segregation right then.
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I don't have access to certain things that I want.
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That makes me look good.
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So if you ask anybody why they sold drugs, most people will say because they saw their family members struggling to some degree, or they were tired or struggling.
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So my father, he actually developed anxiety in prison.
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Okay, so then he gets out of prison.
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He's successful, you know.
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He opens up a barbershop.
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He did a 15 year bid in prison he opens up a barbershop, but now he gets hit with a health condition.
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So now he's coping with depression and anxiety and they co-occurring together in the same sense.
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You know my grandfather, my this is my mom's father now who I'm talking about.
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He was a heroin addict.
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Now he's now the co-pastor of our church and he's recovered and been recovered for maybe 30 years now.
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But again, nobody utilizes any substance right, sell drugs and earn fast money or go through a health condition, especially as Black men, if they're not desiring something deeper.
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So I say all of that to say a lot of the times African-American men or men of color do not feel comfortable or safe, saying I don't feel safe and I feel depressed, I feel anxious, I feel lonely, I feel insecure.
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So what do you see them do?
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They cope with it in a way that's unhealthy.
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So that's when you get selling drugs, that's when you get sex addiction, that's when you get heroin addicts and the coke addicts and things of that nature.
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It's just them crying out for help.
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Wow, so you see that on a daily basis as a therapist.
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Oh, I absolutely do.
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That's all I see, let me tell you.
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So, being a mental health professional and being a believer right in Jesus Christ, I'm able to identify certain things.
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Mental health is all in the bible, right anxiety.
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God talks about anxiety, depression.
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The prophet Elijah was depressed.
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That's why God told him to come out of the cave.
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Elijah, what was Elijah doing?
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If you was to look at what prophet Elijah was doing, um, he was depressed and he met textbook criteria for a diagnosis called major depressive disorder, right?
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So let me give you an example.
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Elijah went in a cave and he went to sleep.
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Well, one of the symptoms of major depressive disorder is sleeping.
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He then isolated himself.
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Well, what's the case?
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When we're depressed, we go into our own personal case.
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Okay, then he said God, I just wish that I could die because I feel like it's only me.
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Well, most people who have depression, they have suicidal thoughts.
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So a lot of the times when I'm, um, when I see my clients whatever the case may be and they tell me they're depressed especially male clients I already know that they're isolated or they feel alone, they have suicidal thoughts, but they won't say anything.
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Because who's going to make me feel safe?
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And guess what, in the African-American community they're not allotted the opportunity to cry.
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Because why?
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Because men don't cry.
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So they say I see, um, a lot of men.
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They abuse substances, they have gambling addictions, they have any type of addiction is coming from a place of hurt.
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You're really trying to feel a little way.
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So those types of addictions you already know.
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Most of the time you can back it to a fatherless home or a father that was home but wasn't emotionally available or was abusive.
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I also see a lot of men who've been molested and they are not able to say anything.
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So they're angry and you know, a lot of the times it'll be misconstrued that they just want to be angry.
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No, I was molested as a child, I was raped as a child.
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But who can I tell?
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Because, first of all, it's a stigma.
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So, yeah, I don't even know how we got here, chuck.
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I always say you never know who's listening to these conversations, who's sleeping all the time, who's isolating themselves and who wants to silently commit suicide.
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You never know who's listening.
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And that's powerful, that you said that, because all three things people go through and you would never know it, because sometimes we smile through our pain.
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Right, and that's that's the thing.
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As a as a mental health professional, that my passion is.
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My passion is to teach people like you don't have to smell through your pain.
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Actually, if you're sad, I would rather you cry, Because you know the thing about it is.
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Growing up, we always heard you can pray it out, you can pray it out, but what about the fact that faith without works is dead?
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Yes, you can pray it out, right, but it's an action that you have to take in order to get to the next step of your healing, right?
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So God isn't going to do it all for you.
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You're going to pray it out, but then what about booking your therapy appointment?
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Because you really need to talk to someone about the trauma that you've been exposed to.
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So, look, I just want to reference this, right?
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So remember, I told you that you know my father and my stepfather.
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They both grew up in single-parent homes, right?
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to a degree.
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So a lot of black men, especially ones who I work with, who lived in lower and province areas they have post-traumatic stress disorder talk about because I saw my homeboy get shot in front of me when I was growing up.
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I saw a lot of violence and hostility.
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Or I even heard about violence and hostility, going to sleep at night, somebody saying don't sit by the window, because all of a sudden now I heard gunshots going off.
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What are the symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder?
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Is exposed danger or hearing about danger, or seeing danger all the time, or threats of danger.
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So if I grew up in an area where every time I turn around I'm hearing about somebody dying, then when I become hypervigilant what does hypervigilant mean?
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It means I'm looking around over my shoulder all the time.
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Have we ever thought was because I've suffered some type of traumatic experience?
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I can't sleep or I have night terrors?
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You probably have post-traumatic stress disorder because you saw your friend get killed or you witnessed so many shootings or hurt, so much gun violence that after a while now you have night terrors because you've been exposed to so much trauma.
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So we thinking that pts, ptsd, is only prevalent if you went to war?
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No, it's a lot of African-American men who have rates of PTSD and they will never know it.
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They just say, oh, I only get two to three hours of sleep because you know I got bad nerves.
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No, you have PTSD, or you have depression or you have anxiety.
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But how would you know that if you don't get it professionally?
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diagnosed.
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Wow, talking good you kill.
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That's good stuff.
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Because the generation before me was taught not to show emotions.
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You know what I'm saying, and so that trickled down to a lot of a lot of men that we don't want to show any type of emotion, you know.
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But that's a part of who we are.
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Emotion, you know what I'm saying, and it has to be, I guess, regulated though, you know, because it could become extreme, correct?
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you're absolutely right.
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So you said the key word regulated.
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If you were taught and then your dad was taught never to show emotion, right, then how do you think that emotion gonna come out?
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In what form of emotion are you gonna show?
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You're gonna show anger.
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Why?
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Because anger is really believe it or not and, as cliche as it may sound, is the secondary emotion.
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You really felt, felt sad, you really felt hurt, you really felt betrayed or lonely or abandoned.
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But I was always taught that I can't show the emotions that make me look vulnerable.
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But if I show my anger, right, then that makes me look tough.
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So that's the safe emotion to show.
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But it's also the most surface as a therapist.
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If you show me anger first, I already know it's something deeper.
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You really heard about something?
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Wow, yeah, this is why we have so many african-american men who don't believe in jesus christ because it relates back to um slavery and the civil rights movement.
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Now, imagine being an african-american man taken away from your home, um not able to protect your wife from being raped, right, not able to protect your kids from also being raped or whipped, and all of a sudden, you relay jesus christ to a white man.
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God, right.
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So now we got these black men who don't believe in Jesus Christ because of something called post-traumatic slave disorder, and it's still carrying on now.
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So really, as black women and as women in general, what I would tell us is to show man grace, any man grace, but definitely your african-american man, because that anger for real, for real, is just wrapped up in trauma and unexpressed, unregulated emotion.
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Wow, you said post-traumatic.
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It's actually a book, chuck.
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I would read it if I was you.
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It's very good.
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I will say mature audience only.
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And I will also say that it can be graphic because it's telling you about the things that our ancestors went through in slavery times.
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And the reality of the situation is it was a letter called the Willie Lynch letter.
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The Willie Lynch letter talks about how to keep a race enslaved, even after slavery, right?
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So it says if you separate the man from the woman and the child, you will have a bunch of women who want to be independent women right, sounds familiar who don't respect men.
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And it talks about how it'll keep us enslaved even generations, generations on down the line.
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So, as you can see, we're still suffering the after effects of slavery and it's called racial trauma.
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So yeah, it's a it's a thing, it really is a thing.
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So when you have african-american men or black men who can't express emotion or the only emotion sometimes that you see is anger is a lot deeper than just what meets the eye surface.
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So what's your thoughts on our youth today, our black, young black youth today?
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What would you consider that?
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I'm going to be very honest with you.
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You know I'm a millennial.
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I'm very much so concerned about our youth because I told you I was a rap baby, right, but I grew up on which probably wasn't even good as well, but at least we had a mixture of, like you know the roots, and then you have your heavy raps, such as, maybe, like you know, tupac, and you got like the more heavy stuff, right.
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But I will say this Today's music does not promote anything but mostly a demonic agenda.
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So we have youth who's being constantly told that homosexuality is good I'm sorry, I'm going to go there, right who's being told hearing songs such as Molly Percocet.
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And then when I go to work, right, I see youth who are Literally doing Molly Percocet.
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For the people who don't know what you're talking about when you talk about Molly what is that?
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So Molly is a drug, right, it's a drug that people Kids, adults drug right, it's a.
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It's a drug that people kids, adults, whoever utilize.
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Actually, I believe and I could be wrong, so don't quote me on this it could possibly be an opioid that, um, people utilize to get high off of the recreational name, for it is called molly, but then mollies and percocets, those are all opioids.
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To be honest, the original treatment of any opioid is for pain, right, but you have people who are addicted to it and guess what?
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They're putting fentanyl in everything.
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So fentanyl is being found in marijuana now.
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And you have children I know personally who are coming to me because I work as a therapist in the emergency department and a lot of the times I'll see you and I'll ask them what kind of drugs do they utilize?
00:19:03.775 --> 00:19:16.003
Now, when I was growing up, and maybe even yourself, it was Reggie, it was weed, but now they're telling me that they're utilizing Coke and they're utilizing fentanyl and they're utilizing opioids.
00:19:16.003 --> 00:19:23.048
And these children are 15, 16, 17, 20 at most and they're already strung out on drugs.
00:19:23.048 --> 00:19:26.201
And you have music artists who promote these agendas.
00:19:26.201 --> 00:19:33.611
You have artists such as I can't think of his name right now, but he is an artist who definitely promotes homosexuality.
00:19:33.611 --> 00:19:39.521
And then you get senior olds who are promoting homosexuality because that's what they hear.
00:19:39.521 --> 00:19:58.503
And so I said all of that to say like if I was a parent today which I'm not I would say be very mindful about what your kids listen to, be very mindful about what you're teaching your children, because, believe it or not, kids are impressionable and this agenda is to push our kids away further and further from Christ.
00:19:58.503 --> 00:20:00.692
It's no filter anymore.
00:20:00.692 --> 00:20:01.054
Wow.
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They're exposed to everything.
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No boundaries, no nothing.
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No boundaries.
00:20:06.031 --> 00:20:08.803
Wow, you took the question right out of my mouth.
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I was going to ask you what would you say to a parent that's just confused, just don't know what to do with their child?
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They're just out of control right now because they're raising a child by their self.
00:20:18.222 --> 00:20:46.008
they got to go to work, you know, and they leave them, you know, to their self to come home, hoping they do the right thing when they get out of school, you know you know what this one sounds so cliche what I'm about to say, but the first thing I'm going to say is these things only break by way of fasting and prayer, and so I would tell any parent who's doing it by themselves to seek ye first, the kingdom of God and all of his righteousness, and all things will be added unto you Meaning.
00:20:46.008 --> 00:20:58.576
Seek God, ask God how to raise your child, ask God to give you wisdom, ask God to give you wisdom, got to give you tools on how to better parent your child, so that you can do what you need to for your children.
00:20:58.576 --> 00:21:06.801
I'm going to tell you, you know, I've seen prayer and fasting change a child, and it wasn't the parent, it was God who worked in the child's life.
00:21:06.801 --> 00:21:21.481
I will also say to my single parents out there, if possible, to take at least, maybe, if you can, a day out of the month just to take your child out of school early, right, and just to take them somewhere.
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You know, expose them to something different.
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For an example, when I was growing up, you know my mom had me when she was 15 years old and you know she would always say Kiki, you're going to college.
00:21:32.345 --> 00:21:33.559
So you know what my mom would do.
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She would take me to college with her because she was in school Wow.
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So you know what my mom would do she would take me to college with her because she was in school Wow, she would take me to see the finer things in life and expose me to the finer things in life.
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Because she said I don't want you to be 15 years old and pregnant.
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And that's my next point.
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Have conversations with your kids.
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Don't say things such as you better not be having sex.
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Realistically, that might not be the best possible approach.
